Sunday, July 19, 2009

After a very stressful few weeks, and a very naughty weekend, I am feeling quite... (how shall we say) unqualified to fit into my skinny jeans this week.

So, now that I feel like a lot of the heat has let off, it's time for a good old-fashioned FAST. Just a little one, to see if anyone notices. It's 6 pm here on the east coast, and I have a party to go to tonight, followed by 2 auditions tomorrow, and another party tomorrow night. Evenings are usually my gym-time, so without an outlet for my persistent anxiety, I feel like I'd rather control my food intake if I can't get a grip on my energy output.

To keep eyebrows from raising, I'm going to try to keep pushing the fluids, keeping a drink of some kind with me at all times, to give an illusion of intake. However, I will try to keep these calorie counts down as well. Mostly water, maybe a little bit of VitaminWater, a sip or two of soymilk for breakfast, and coke zero if I MUST have caffeination. But no food. Until at least midnight tomorrow (Monday night).

I'm already anticipating the high!! And looking forward to telling ya'll how it went. God, I hope I get away with this. Depending on how it goes, who knows what I might do after this?

Who's fasting with me? 30 hours food-free! Let's do it! Think beautiful thoughts, girls! XOXO!

295 comments:

1 – 200 of 295   Newer›   Newest»
joy said...

i am totally with you. i'm sitting here right now with a viciously full stomach from tonight's binge (massive veggie burger with brie and a "healthy" serving of onion rings....*sigh*), and feeling completely awful and pretty sick. this is the first time i've slipped up in over a month and i feel like a huge fail. tomorrow basically can't come fast enough so i can get the empty feeling back and regain control!

Anonymous said...

So you're kind of back? Boy am I happy. The time you've spent away I read every entry back to back and you're so bloody inspiring.
It is an honour to do 30 hours food free with you,
Skin&Bones
xoxo

princess said...

i'm with ya! just pray i don't die at field hockey this week.

Kay said...

I would love to fast with you, but lately when I fast I fail. Best of luck girlie, stay strong!

xo

Libertine said...

I'll definitely join you on that fast.

I'm going away until Thursday tomorrow, it's my goal to eat as little as possible.

Good luck.
Thinking thin.
Layla
x

Marc said...

I'm in for the fast! :) But I hope I'll make it longer than 30 hours :D

good luck! :)

Ancora said...

I'll fast with you! I've already started a little one. Lovely.

Hope you don't get caught out. Good luck.

Shannon said...

I can't wait to do this fast with you. 30 hours food free sounds like heaven. I haven't fasted in soooo long.

Read the info on my blog. I'm on the west coast. Now that I finally have my parents off my back I can go back to my old habits and not be such a fat pig any more. Your posts inspire me so much.

Lexla said...

Often my body denies such luxuries as a high--that is something I can only get from running for two hours. I wish you the best in your fast!

Anonymous said...

Can understand the feeling,
Sounds like a good plan to me!

Anonymous said...

Hi :) I've been reading your blog for the past few days catching myself up.. I don't mean to be like everyone else but... You are so inspirational. I've always thought I'd have to be alone and after I found your blog... I feel a new peace with Ana. Thank you for writing and being brave enough to share your story and life :) I have my juice fast schedule for this friday so I can't join you, but I know you can do it!!

<333

Ana Nas said...

I'm fasting with you I haven't eaten in 24 hours.

Anonymous said...

you have some pretty impressive goals set for yourself, but do drink water, it's calorie free and it keeps your skin looking beautiful. hydrated skin is happy skin.

dying2be said...

im fasting with you! =] i really needed to know i wasn't alone. thank you so much.

Ana said...

Oh, I miss that high! Damn reading that just got my gears runnin, I needed to hear that. Thank you! Fasting FTW!!

KatUK said...

Im going to try my hardest !! going gym now - will let you know

thanx, knowing someone is with me makes it easier
xx

sorry_i_can't_be_perfect said...

heya, just wanted to say i love your blogs!
i don't mind doing 30hrs with you. :)
30hrs starting now! :P

Anonymous said...

I'm with you. Down to the bones.

andrea said...

so glad you're back!!! its amazing how much strength you give me to keep going..

Africana said...

I'm in! I am in SERIOUS need of a fast.

So glad you are back. :)

Stay hungry.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you! I found your blog during the period of time when you weren't updating, but your old entries have give me so much strength in the last few months. You are an inspiration....not just to help with restriction, but I relate to everything you write and it makes me feel a little better to realize I'm not alone.

Andrew said...

Sweetie, this is EXACTLY the kind of thinspo I needed to wake up to over here on the west coast. Shall we fast?

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's so great to know you're fasting, too!
I've been waterfasting for three days now and will allow myself whatever liquids I want from now on - until the weekend will mess it all up again, I know... Hell, I hate weekends...

=^.^= v

xthinforever said...

Good luck you darling!
I don't think I can do that just yet, but I'm sure you will do amazing!

Do blog on how it goes for you!
<3

R. said...

I'm def' with you on that one ; 30 hours baby !
Only water & no-calorie coke.
~ R.

HSW said...

i support you. i guess that's all any of us can hope for, right?

much love as you reach your double-digit goal.

-HSW

Falling_Starlight said...

This is my first comment, I've been reading for a while, I've started a blog too, I need to be thin, I'm always watching for food I'm so weak. Succeeded in the 30-hour-fast though, my first ever, thank you for being so inspiring!! I have been looking for books like Marya's, I know she's amazing. Thank you for helping me be strong.

lauren said...

i fasted with you.
i hope you did as well as i did, and i hope nothing bad came of it.

:D

Fei said...

I'm with you! Back to beautiful!

Ellie said...

I'm doing my first ever fast tues night until thurs morning. Hope yours went well, wish me luck xxx

Anonymous said...

Yes, i may be a couple of days late with this, but my 30 hours shall be done!
(:

ACCW said...

I'll start Weds with you - I need to get back in gear. My calorie tracking ana bracelet is coming today, so that will help keep my eyes on the prize.

Funny, I'm rereading Wasted too - my copy's falling apart, though...

Anonymous said...

I'm fasting with ya! my goal is 3 days. *crosses fingers for luck*

Sara K said...

Ana,
I've only just finished reading your blog back to front and I could relate to so many of the things, it made me cry. You're such an inspiration. Thank you for writing & sharing.
I can't join you on the fast just yet but I wish you good luck! Let me know how it goes!

love, Sara

p.s. Is the facebook profile/group still there? I can't seem to find it..

andrea said...

with all the anas out there, i truly think you are the queen of all anas..good luck!!

LouAna82 said...

I am SO with ya! I only just checked your blog as I've been with family this weekend, but I am starting tonight (wednesday 22) 6PM (UK time)- 30hrs taking me to friday morning. God I could do with it...4 days with my parents I think certainly unqualifies me from anything with "skinny" in the title! There are only so many 5am starts to chuck a few cheerios and a splash of milk into a bowl to give the illusion brekfast a girl can get away with, especially with my parents! How did yours go? Was it as wonderful as u anticipated? Fancy joining me 6PM tonight your time???
Perfect timing for me really, to while away the hours over the weekend I organised my thinspo pics and music files...beautiful thoughts...

Stay Strong Anaregzig,
Love LouAna - thinking thin from the UK!
xxxx

Anonymous said...

its a bit late to be doing it with you but staring from i will do a 30 hr fast
x

Anonymous said...

hi
I've discovered your blog lately and I keep coming back. Why? maybe for motivation, for understanding, don't really know
How's your fasting going? Mine started 6 days ago, light headed as always but hungry and loving it.
Today at work all the lasses ordered mcdonalds, 2 meals each. You should see them. Stuffing their faces without chewing. And then they're wondering why they are 200 pounds. They're so dirty. I felt so great having my tea and water.
I hope you're keeping in there. Regards from UK
Ania

Lost and Learning said...

I just stumbled across your blog a while ago and I have read many of your posts. I realized you had no comments yet on this recent post so I thought I would drop one for you to let you know that people are still out there, reading and finding inspiration in you.

Prettisya said...

wow! you inspire me to fast! I used to fast 3 days but it was many years ago!
good luck!

Ana Nonymous said...

Im fasting with you, im after a much needed fast and timings are perfect.
Good luck with your control after your 'rehabilitation'.
xx

Anonymous said...

I have been away from a computer so didn't read this until thursday :-( devestated as i check every day for updates! I am doing my own 48hour liquid fast to make up for it! I love how emptyness makes me feel!
Thank you for bringing Marya's story into my life - What a woman!
stay strong xx

p.s. my partner of 8 years left me and within a year was married to his current partner of only 2 months! it's mental but trust me - you will have the last laugh x

heather[hunger] said...

yay im glad your back :DDDD
how did the fast go?
please let us know!!
<3333

thin_mini said...

hey sweetheart. Been reading your blog for a while. Stay strong, stay safe, okay.


--k.

Anonymous said...

Im with you. I read all your blogs n three days through my iPhone. I couldn't put it down. I'm fasting
With ya.
don't
Give
Up on me ;).

Marietta said...

Hey Ana, I just found your blog, and it's honestly such an inspiration. I've been ana for a few years now, and I'm still fat. Not like "oh I feel fat today", but legitimately fat. I hate that I starve myself 3 days a week and eat "normally" the other 4, and nobody notices. I'm not "scary thin" or even thin. I'm losing weight yeah, but it's crawling off me.
Anyways! Love your blog, and love you!
-Marietta (not my real name)

Anonymous said...

How did it go? I'm with you...

Summer-Sparrow said...

I just want to say thank you. You have been a great inspiration to me and your blog has kept me going.

June said...

thank you for mentioning the book from marya. I bought and read it and it's great. How were your 30 hours food-free? greetz from germany

Anonymous said...

hi !
goin on a fast start of midnight tonight - dont care what they say lmao :-)
wish me luck loll

Anonymous said...

I will definitely join you in that, keep strong.

Anonymous said...

I'm with you!!!!!! - wana try it

Kimmy said...

Oh, yeah! I'm with you! Here's to me losing 30 pounds by the start of school and to you reaching your goals too! Starve on.

Anonymous said...

Im fasting with you!
i just got really fat after getting to my all time lowest weight :(
i hope i can get away with it two, i swear then next time someone says "you have to eat" im going to punch them in that fat face :P JK.
-good luck girly!
xxStarveOnxx

Anonymous said...

i hope it went well. i'm on the east coast too by the way, and you're so inspiring tome. :]

Sunny Mc.FatFace said...

I just started reading this blog, so I did some digging into the past (entries, I mean)just to hear more of what you're saying. I am taking your 30 hour fast, but for me once I get to a certain point I just try to hang on and see how far I can go. A while back I looked for Wasted on a whim in my library and it had disappeared from between horn and horner. So I used a mild explicitive and shuffled out of the library with the book by horner. Now that I look at the dates you will get this long after your beginning fast,but whatever I don't give time much thought. You can get really far into nothingness when you forget about it. Have a nice day/night/afternoon and hope that you will be kind of okay.

HereWeGo said...

Hi...

I'm new around here, I hope you don't find my comment pesky, but I wanted to say hello, and that I have been following your blog for a little while. Thank you for posting your day to day, as corny as it sounds, it has been a bit of an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

I have been on a five day fast you know for me the first 2 days are ALWAYS hell after that everything is pretty smooth sailing I drink ice cold water and coke zero along with vitamins and stay away from most strenuous activites because I get easily lightheaded but you are right the satisfaction is unbelievable I am doing this for a party as well haha. I think its the fact when people see me thinner they praise me and tell me how beautiful I look. The thinner I am the thinner my friends want to be. Hmmm I wonder how long I can last ugh I cant stand throwing up that has never been an option its so gross to me lol

Anonymous said...

Hey I'm fasting from 7am monday to wednesday 7pm. 60 hours if you wanna join I can't leave blog address here but I'll check back here later.
xxx

ashleigh Callahan said...

good luck ana!

Amanda said...

Hey! I just found your blog, I am a 21yr old ana (for about 3 yrs) and ive really "fallen off the bandwagon" haha...I'd love to do a fast w you! Even though Im a little late now lol. What part of the east coast are you from? Im in MD

Anonymous said...

il join you :)
but im gonna have to start now though :( so i might eat something a couple hours after midnight tomorow night :)

il tell you how i get on aswell :) hopefully i dont get court

Sar said...

Hey lady, good to see you blogging occasionally again. I just took a nice long walk, with minimal food intake for this day. I would love to join you on a fast!! Honestly I have never done one. I read about them, their benefits, etc..just always seem to think about the next time I can eat, and it throws me right off! Ugh..irritating..Any help? I seriously hate having food control my damn thoughts.. I just want to forget about it. and be empty and free...

thatgirl said...

god, i don't know how you do it. i'm not strong enough. i want to be thin, and pretty. and some days go good. but most days go bad. i'm sitting beside an open bag of chips right now. it's almost empty. i feel horrible. i guess we all do some days, though, right?
anywho, i just found your blog today. and i think you're going to be the one to help me. you're inspiring. thank you for all you've done. Keep writing!

Nony said...

Are you still posting? I see no one has commented in a while, either ...

Nishiki said...

Hey there, I'm with you. Me and my best friend are, though she doesn't have an account on here. Let's do this!

Anonymous said...

I hate it when no one is home and I slip up and eat to much. Although it's getting easier to just choke it back up. Do laxatives really not work?

Anonymous said...

I am in!! 30 hours, then a apple and the some more hours! we can do it :) I cant go in to the pro-ana official website... thats sad. Anyway, you just got one more bloggfollower :) hugs em

benzoluv said...

I was having a terrible night. A lot of things were racing around inside my head, and I just needed to talk to someone or at least know that there was someone else out there who understands what it's like to live with an ED. I was diagnosed w/ana when I was 14, I'm 18 now, and not much has changed with my ED - if anything it's gotten even worse.
Anyways, the reason I am writing this is to just let you know that your blog made me feel so much better. You're words were so comforting to read, in a sick yet beautiful way. Don't take that the wrong way-I mean it in the sense that ED's should not be glorified, but for those whom have them, it is a whole different story than for those who don't, but wish they did. I came to terms with ana over the past four years. When I was 15 I was taken in to treatment against my will, still persistent that I did not have an ED, while in heignsight I can clearly see that I was deeply suffering from ana, that it was devouring me-mind and body-and still is to this very day. I want to say thank you for writing about your feelings while going through this, thank you for having the courage to post these thoughts on the web where anyone can read them and think whatever they want to think. I am just glad that I was able to find you, able to read you blog, and then able to look in the mirror with a little less disgust and self-loathing than before. Thank you. Keep writing, and I will too.

Marcy Ella said...

Totally with you, and everyone! It's so difficult for me right now, mainly because I can't get away with anything, really. But where there's a will, there IS a way, and I'm totally going to find it. Sometimes I wish they'd all just leave and leave me alone with myself for a month or so. They'd come back and I think I'd be perfect. *sigh* We can dream.

Anonymous said...

In the last two days I have read all of your posts from beginning to end.
At first I wasn't sure about you then the more I read the more inspired I was!
But then what happened? You sound so defeated and hurt. They must really have broken your wings in rehab.
Don't worry though they will heal and you can fly again.
Post when you feel ready and I hope you get this comment.

Remember you are loved even if you left ana.

your wonderful.

-HH

Zoe said...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG;
you're a really good writer
but how do i follow it?

J. said...

Hurry up and come back! We miss you! You would be so proud of me, fasting three times a week, on top of exercising for four hours a day. Gosh I admire you so much, and I love the blog. Thanks for all the tips!

journeytoperfection said...

I'm with you too!
i finished college today so i wont have people watching over me :)
I've not fasted for a few weeks, i'm so excited
I read your blog for the first time today, you're inspiring to say the least

Anonymous said...

Dying to be thin is a very appropriate title.

cixerona said...

I am always inspired by your blog, and have even made my own...keep going and stay strong xxxx

Anonymous said...

Im in with the fast. Its so hard with my family though, they are such a pain in the ass with trying to getg me to eat. Stay strong, Hope to go longer than 30 hours!!

Anonymous said...

Where are you? I hope you are ok x

fay said...

im am alllllllll the way with you, no doubt(: i just basically ate my life away in ceral and i feel so gross, i went shopping today and i bassically didn't fit into anything. i am soooo fasting starting rightttt now<3

my mom just walked into my room asking me if i wanted pickles, lmaooo umm no?(:

nikki:] said...

i hope you're still going strong. ill do the 30 hour fast, even if you havent updated in a while :]
xoxo

kafkaontheshore said...

IM EUGENIA AN ARGENTINE GORL WHO IS VERY GREATFUL WITH U TO SHARE THIS WITH US..
IS THE FIRST TIME I FEEL SOMEONE CAN UNDERSTAND ME

HOPE TO READ U SOON

Anna said...

Dear Ana,

For the longest time I've felt like an outsider. Reading your blog has made me feel like I'm not so different after all. Your words bring many girls (and guys lol) together. Thankyou.

I attempted to fast yesterday, but after 12 hours I became really faint and dizzy. Since I'm already on medication which makes me feel that way I couldn't stand it and had a light meal. But I still lost 2 pounds! I think I'm going to follow the pattern of having a light meal every 12 hours or so.

Good luck with your fast!! Skinny jeans are HOT :D

Btw, your ex sounds like a total douche :D

Anonymous said...

i hope the reason for the lapse in time between this post and now is because you are managing your condition and this site is not part of that plan

Anonymous said...

i love feeling thin. people are always telling me I need to eat. But you know what... it's really not how I look, it's how I feel. I like feeling good in the morning. not sluggish.I'm able to get past the hunger by drinking power amino weight loss shakes. I still am nourished and still lose weight.

Nil By Mouth said...

I've read your blog, start to finish several times to keep my faith in what I'm doing, when I'm losing friends, boyfriends and myself to Ana. But my goals are reaffirmed everytime and I realise I'm actually not lost at all but this is me.
Day 3 and I've had only 2 litres of water a day.
Feeling strong because of you.
Love and Peace
xxx

ana nat said...

i'll drink green tea and gatorade so i dont die. and....greek yogurt and rice cakes to keep my workouts strong. im so glad im not alone, you are all beautiful and strong!

Perfecting my Emptiness said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vivy-Abi said...

Hi, im new to all this,i really hate the way i look, and desperately trying to lose it, everyone disagrees with what im doing blah blah blah... i just really need some encouragement... please.
x
x

Anonymous said...

I just read through all your blogs from the very beginning.
I've found you and what you've gone through so inspirational. Plus I can't find you on facebook - hoping they didn't find your sight :S Please continue your blog or at least post one last time to explain if you're not.
Hoping you're doing well and thin.
XOXO

Anonymous said...

Good luck! I am currently on a seven or ten day fast (Depends on the day I have to have dinner with my friend. Pasta. eugh.)

xxpaperdollxx said...

Fasting highs are the best, aren't they? <3

Anonymous said...

i really want to lose this crappy wait. now i've got to finally get out of it. i haven't been eating much for past month but i've got parents around and they're getting really suspicious. so it's hard. i just don't know what to do.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog today, and it's the best thing i've ever read!... please can you write about how... you make ppl believe u're eating so they won't find out?
this is the best blog ever, please keep writing!

Charliegh said...

Ahhhh yer im in hope you dont get caught out and hope i dont fail LOL goodluck
xoxo Charlie

Ana Gypsy said...

Your commitment to the disease is incredible. You are my inspiration to keep going.

Anonymous said...

Hiya, im new to all this but i love your blog feels good to know im not alone ive already started my fast hoping i dont get caught. xoxo

Anonymous said...

I'm so with you girl! Sigh, can't wait to feel empty and clean again. Tomorrow is a better day!

Bells said...

I just want to say thankyou... i honestly think your my ticket out of this body! Iv tried to be skinny before but i always slip up and loos my will power but thanks to you... i truely think i can do this.
My parents are force feeding me at the moment and i know im late but my 30 hours have started!!
xx

Anonymous said...

you are such an amazing writer and an inspiration to so many people, please come back and write some more, at least let everyone know that youre ok. i have tried to find a better blog these past months and i cant. please come back.

Lah said...

Anaregzig,
where have you gone?
Are you okay?
Still Ana?
Still alive?
Please post again?!

Copy said...

I realize you haven't been online in a long time but when you do, I have a serious question for you.
This is the only legit blog I have found on the internet for pro ana as of yet. I want to know if you feel like, when you are fasting there is two of you. I know that sounds crazy but I find every time that I do start a fast I switch into this more serious dedicated version of me. It scares me sometimes because when I get like that I don't find fasting difficult and I don't go to great lengths to hide what I'm doing. Sometimes I totally zone out completely from work and school. And it can sometimes last for so long that I get sick. I've gotten pneumonia twice in a year from outrageous fasting and I guess I was just wondering if this is something that afflicts just me personally or something that other people deal with as well. And I was wondering how you stay focused on work when this happens.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. it keeps me motivated. please continue writing!!

DreamToDream said...

Hi, im a new follower of you
just starting out my blog would appreciate your views.
Im definately doing it with you check back and we'll both say how we feel
xxx

Anonymous said...

When are you blogging again?! We miss you <33. You my inspiration!

Sammii said...

Im with ya :) This will give me some incentive not to let you down! :D x

Anonymous said...

i wish u th best of luck XOXO
im in this is only my second time fasting i hope im strong enough

True Colors Consulting said...

My daughter just spend 10 days in an inpatient program fighting for her life. I don't hate any of you, in fact, I love you all.

There is no end to the need to lose weight. I pray that you realize this before it's too late.

You say, "God, I hope I get away with this". He'll let you.

Just know that He can and will restore hope for anyone who seeks Him. That is His promise to us all.

Now we begin the long recovery process with my daughter, who was starving herself to death. It's insidious and always seeks more - and no, you can't control it.

I dare you to print this. Are you afraid to? Might lose some visitors?

Nina said...

I discovered your blog while idly hunting for Pro Ana/Mia pages a few days ago, and I am already all caught up – at risk of repeating some of your previous comments – I am truly INSPIRED by you, YOU are my thinspiration. I was Ana for a long period a few years ago - unfortunately I started young, so eventually people noticed and I was swiftly thrown in for ‘treatment’ by my parents. I did as I was told, gained the weight I was told to and played the penitent and remorseful daughter, however the desire for that hollow empty feeling never went away, to I was left with what I came to learn was an ED-NOS.

Three weeks ago TRUE thinspiration was hammered into my head by way of an attempt to try on a wrap-around skirt belonging to a slimmer friend of mine and having the fucking garment barely close around my middle once. That was completely unacceptable. Ana I have missed you so.

The reason for my message, as well as praise and support :) is to ask you what you think of my technique. Each day I drink two pints of heavily watered down OJ as well as another three more of water, and eat only about a cup of cherries until dinner. There my sort of constant fast takes a downturn when my boyfriend’s mother (we live with his parents) plonks down a plate heaving with some horrendous combination of pasta, cheese, potatoes, meat and gravy, then proceeds to watch me as a hawk while I attempt even half. She’s a victim of the British wartime ‘finish what’s on your plate’ (and BOY did she), while also aware of my history with Ana and appears to have taken it upon herself to turn me into her. A load. Ugh. After dinner, with which I will have another two pints of water, I head on upstairs to purge my happy little guts out, knowing that everything in the toilet will never be digested (I even drink more water, jump up and down and dance about a bit, then purge again and repeat until I throw up only water). Occasionally if his parents are out, I’m allowed a sneaky full day fast. I’m not expecting miracles immediately, but the weight is taking its sweet time to fuck off, so I thought I’d ask for your expert help. Thankfully my boyfriend knows, and while concerned, he ALSO knows it’d probably drive me crazier to stay as I am, so he watches unobtrusively just to make sure I don’t die or something. Actually it’s quite sweet.

There haven’t been any posts for a while, what’s happened to you? Hopefully going strong :)

Stay beautiful xx

Summer said...

Hey you haven't posted in a long time. I really hope everything in your life is going okay. And I hope you come back soon. I read your old posts all the time for motivation. Thank you and I hope you're alright.

Anonymous said...

I've gained so much weight recently, it's killing me. I was soo much thinner at the point in my life when i binged, then my friends started to notice, and i caved and stopped. I've been so unhappy with my self-image since. Seeing your blog really has inspired me to go back, not to binging, but restricting my intake, and excersizing more. I hate that 'obese' feeling i get after i eat one bit of food. I'd love to see more group fasts, the feeling that we're all going through this together makes me feel so much more at ease. Thank you soo much !

Ava said...

i havent eaten since 6 pm last night and ill eat after six pm tomorrow night :D good luck girlies stay beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Well, obviously since there are comments on here from january that means you've visited and posted them.. so you're still here and everything. Why can't you just post one more thing? Just something to tell us you're not posting anymore or if you're still into. anything.
you were- and still are- my inspiration.

Anonymous said...

hopefully help finds you soon

carleigh said...

I've reread this blog over and over! you're amazing!! 2 quick questions: 1. do you start your fasts at a specific time of day? I always have to start at midnight or 8am or else it doesn't feel right. I feel like the hours have to be "even". 2. When you do all those miles at the gym do you walk or run on the treadmill? Either way is amazing!! please stay safe and stay strong!

Megan said...

I'm with you.

But where have you gone? It's been nearly a year since your last blog!

Jambosafari said...

Where are you?

Anonymous said...

Today I read all your blogs, start to finish. As much as I want you to be healthy, I also selfishly want you to come back and write more. Honestly, from beginning to end this reads like a book, and I don't want it to end. Thank you for the inspiration, tips, stories, and, especially, the THINspiration. <3

Anonymous said...

hey girl.. can't u eat little portions of healthy food each day, better than going to the extreme of not eating at all. it's healthier that way and u still get to lose weight..

Domino said...

Ana,
I found your blog only a few days ago and have read through the entire thing, and one ive started my own, more for my own benifiet than others, and you have been the final absolutle thinspiration i needed to get my fat self into gear and i love you for that!
its been a few months since this post so i hope that they didnt notice and you are doing ok, come back to us, we are always here waiting for your return <3

Anonymous said...

miss u so bad!!
still checking you blog nearly everyday.. read your old posts over and over again.
you are great, i just want to to know that. whatever you do or whatever you chose to do.
we love you!
i hope your fine. xox

Anonymous said...

why have you stopped? i need the inspiration that youve given me
xoxo thank you <3

Anonymous said...

where are you

Anonymous said...

Hey, I've been fasting for 4 days now! Your blog keeps me thinspired! I've only fainted once but I'm keeping my water up an having some skimmed milk every 12 hours - I'm gunna try and reach a week and maybe have some salad - Thank you so much xxx

Anonymous said...

Where'd you goooo? I'm missing your blog posts! Hurry and post soon! I hope you're okay <3

lu said...

Girl I miss your posts! all I've been doing for the last couple of weeks is reading this amazing-ass blog that inspires me oh so much to stick to my 300-cal plan.
I already love you.

Anonymous said...

question: whenever i dont eat for a period of time, my stomach makes these really awkward LOUD gurgling noises. any tricks to stop that? slash is it even possible?

Mommy3girls1985 said...

I just did a 48 hour fast and by the end I just about past out. Do you have any tips for keeping the room from spinning and from loosing my termor every time my husband tries to get me to eat. I just had my 3rd child so I'm really trying to get back down to at least 105lbs (Im 5'5 and have had 3 children in less then 5 years so I have a lot to loose still). I feel so fat right now. I do have to say that I have been really good...4 hours at the gym each day and no more than 500 calories/day....Ive lost 15lbs in 3 weeks. You're ability to do a 3 day fast inspires me more than you know

Anonymous said...

Hey, I've never commented before but I just recently started reading the blog, and it's beautiful..you're so aware of everything, and you write wonderfully. For some reason I was stupid enough to bring up my ED with my boyfriend last night, and now I know how he feels about them.. In essence, he thinks it's incredibly stupid to become so obsessed with being thin. What he doesn't understand is that EDs are never about being thin.. But I suppose it's true that you can never, ever understand the perspective unless you yourself have been through it. Anyway.. You're an inspiration, keep doing what you're doing. :)

Mona said...

I have read through the entirety of your blog probably 4 times now. Your journey is inspirational, and when reading it, I don't know how I ever could feel alone. Knowing it's been 8 months since you last posted worries me... I hope you are doing well, alive with a strong will. I really don't know where I'd be without your blog, it means so much to me. I visit everyday, hoping, praying for an update, news that you are alright. Your words echo through my ears, drive me to succeed, to be the best I can possibly be.

Even if you have decided to cease posting, I want to say thank you. Your blog has changed my life.

vballmiss said...

I just recently went to the doctor for my weight. UNDERWEIGHT! i was so proud of myself. I put on a sad face for my friends and family. I haven't fasted for more than a day, because my parents are always watching me, making sure that I'm eating....CAN YOU SAY ANNOYING?! i just started to read your blog today and I already feel inspired...i know its REALLY late, so thats why i plan on just treading a page a day to keep moving on food free. I just hope I, and you, don't get caught! <333

Anonymous said...

You are amazing.

Anonymous said...

Hi,
I've written a few times to you but since then i have managed to get my ana under control. I feel stronger in myself and am happy with my new, curvier size 8 (uk)figure. Having been with ana for 10 years i feel like i'm missing some part of myself but am defo on the road to recovery, allowing myself a higher quantity of cals per day so still in control - just differently. I hope you are well, i check regularly. Mostly to see if you've blogged and to see how you're doing but i find it a test of my control to read your posts and still allow myself to eat a banana!
I really hope you are ok, been reading your blog for a long time and feel joined to you in an odd ana sister kind of way.
Stay strong,
love you to the bones
k x x

Anonymous said...

Im getting so miserable, Ive put on abit of weight because im doing a eating programme with the eda, I hate my disgusting body and I dont know why I asked for help, how can I appear normal in front of my son if i do a fast? hes started trying to feed me, its heartbreaking but it scares me at the same time, I feel like just giving up and ending my life, I dont want anyone to know, I just want to look good

Anonymous said...

you go girl! i'm with you!

Anonymous said...

I find cokes make me worse, try just water, Im eating a bit now cos im being monitored but wish you luck, wish I was with you in it xx

Anonymous said...

this girl is either dead or in recovery, just to let you all know

Anonymous said...

I found your blog today and read most of your posts. I really like it, and so I'm with you in your fast :)

Good luck to you all!!

Anonymous said...

I've technically already broken it with a rice cake an hour ago, but Im down.

:)

Anonymous said...

we miss u come bak to us please hurry we need you come on hurry so u can go ahead and go for the double digits hurry

Addie. said...

You can die if you do that.

Anonymous said...

I'm struggling to understand this blog. It kind of makes me want to cry. I understand that this won't be posted but I really just wanted to say. Though it's your choice I hope that you do everything to keep your self safe and away from the dangerous edges of this disease.

Anonymous said...

I'm on hour 27 of a (hopefully) 52 hour right now, and it is fantastic. I cannot wait to wake up again tomorrow morning empty! Thank you for keeping this up. Thank you, thank you. Really. I feel so often like I am the only one by me really involved and serious.

Anonymous said...

hi ana. i really loveeeeeeeeeeee your blog!!!!
and i am with you **starting tomorrow**.AND WE DO LOVE THIN <333333333333. and ana please update your blogggg.

love ya, sofi

Ante Up said...

Inspiring. I feel you, and so less alone. Thank you for cheering me up from the depression of this weekends fatassness. Pah.
Tomorrow's a beautiful clean day for skinny. And I cannot wait. :)

Anonymous said...

Hey come back! Hope your okay... I'm missing your blogs heaps, your a strong person and I admire that!

Your friend,
L
xx

Anonymous said...

Hey come back! I hope your okay... I'm missing your blogs heaps! Your such a strong person I really admire that!

Your friend, L
xx

Anonymous said...

I miss you. ): Please come back...

Anonymous said...

Hi,

Its really sad for me to hear all you lovley girls, starving yourself like this. Is it for a perfection which doesnt exist. Its much beeter to eat healthily and exercise moderatley. Dont forget what happened to Karen Carpenter, anorexia is a killer, its your feeling and emotions you need to change not your body size, Have the courage to be sensible, and live life to the full, Life is not a rehearsel,
Love Tracey

Dictator said...

Ana come back! I'm worried about you :(

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for this blog. it is such an inspiration to me, knowing that there is someone out there who knows what I'm going through. are you still blogging? where did you go??????

Anonymous said...

You haven't updated since January 2009!!

Anonymous said...

hello, before i begin please understand that its not my intention to offend anyone or pass judgment of any kind, i didn't know websites like this existed until a short while ago when i read about pro-ana sites in one of my text books, ive spent the last few hours reading yours, you are a very talented writer, very similar to Marya in style

last year between hospital stays i read Maryas other memoir about mental illness (madness), it had a tremendous impact on me, i think shes fantastic, because mood disorders and eating disorders appear to be closely related and both are thought to have a strong hereditary component im very concerned for my 2 daughters (who i love very much)

much of your writing contains warnings to others so im hoping you might have some advice to offer

psych text books all talk about the environmental factors that, combined with genetics, might cause eating disorders, is there anything that my wife and i should do or not do to protect our childrens health

i have to get back to my studies but will read more of your site later
if youre not able to respond i hope that you are well

Anonymous said...

Where are you? I'm really scared that you're not coming back, you gave me so much help. Please post? Or just let us know why you can't, left us on a bit of a cliffhanger here,
Thinking thin xxx

Anonymous said...

wait, where are you? you haven't posted in forever and I'm getting worried, you ARE my inspiration, I only wish that I knew you in real life.. no but for real you need to let us know where you are and what's going on. love you! xoxo

Anonymous said...

I am in!

Pointe said...

Please come back! I've been reading your blog and I'd love yo know how you're doing today.

Anonymous said...

i wish you were back writing, i need you. i hope you are well xo

L xx said...

Ive have recently come across your blog and like many others have found it so inspirational. Its nice to know that when the world is so ready to turn away from anyone with ana theres a whole community here ready to understand and support.

I can see comment obviously keep you busy but Im a bit new to all this; blogging, not ana and i was wondering if you, or anyone else had any advice for my own blog?
I too have suffered a period of 'recovery' which im hating and have turned to blogging in order to get back in control.

More questions (sorry) I can fast well enough, but once i finish i find the weight can go back on as i then ruin it giving into terrible cravings :(

Also i see you too recently has a 'recovery' phase, how did you deal with it? Cos im really struggling, im full of self hate but that only makes me more depressed and then i fond it harder to deny food.

Terribly stuck in a vicious circle :(

L xx

Anonymous said...

You know I have been way...WAY out if it lately but I am so with you for the fast, I'm just so tired of wondering if someone is looking at me or that extra couple of pounds. I miss my Ana, kind of even miss her little sister Mia.

Cainn said...

I hope you're okay, you haven't posted in so long. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Like an above comment, I too hope you've dug yourself out of this, through God, health or what have you, and moved on. You're a very strong and convicted women, and a wonderful writer.

I encourage you to write after you're done with your acting career. I began reading "Wasted" under your recommendation, and I honestly think she's got nothing on you.

If nothing else, please keep yourself alive.

Anonymous said...

Im with this! I have recently started and Im trying to stay strong, with only a few bite here and there. Im pretty active so they burn off fast, but I know I have to work harder. You inspire me!

Thanks!

xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hey,
i have read your posts and you are super inspiring! thanks!
count me in on that fast!
-livy

Anonymous said...

You are serioulsy sick, I hope God can help you before it's too late.

sweetdecadence said...

Hi, I recently just started a blog and its so nice to know that I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel. Good luck. :)

Anonymous said...

I feel so bad for you.
bring up your self esteem up!

Anonymous said...

Where has she gone?

LaceyInLaces said...

just visiting this site and reading the posts helps me get through it. im all on board. <3

SnowAngelJin said...

Question: Why are you all trying to kill yourselves?

Fasting won't actually make you thin in an instant. It'll make you really hungry, make you guilty when you binge, and make you kill yourself quicker.

Sometimes conforming to what society thinks is the best thing isn't really the best thing.

Is being thin really worth it?

Why?

Anelisa said...

Where are you? Please, even if you recover, start blogging again. I found you this July, and I've read your whole blog twice since then. I LOVE you! You're such an amazing writer! You should make this into a book. I'm trying not to assume the worst with you being gone so long... I hope you're ok.

Anonymous said...

how can I stop stomach growling???

Anonymous said...

why aren't you back yet. ure blog is the only one worth reading amongst all the other posers out there. i feel bad asking you to pose cos...

but its hard to find anyone who admits to walking this alternate path.

all the best.

Peppiina said...

Why you eat just midnight?

I send to you a lot of hugs <33

surfmum said...

Hi,
I have never been on a website like this before. The tears were running down my face long before I had finished reading all of your comments. I hope and pray that you will all eventually get the help and find the peace that you are searching for. Take care and God bless you all.

Anonymous said...

hey i just started reading your blog and i'm blown away you are really awesome, the fast it so on!!

thanks for all the support you give!

-anagrace

Anonymous said...

I know Im a bit late but I am so with you. I had a crappy weekend and need the empty feeling now. You are an inspiration. I hope you blog again soon.

Anonymous said...

Where are you????

Ana needs you. You cannot desert me like this. You are my pillar of strength.

Anonymous said...

I can't understand why you want to look like a twig. do you think it's beautiful? do men/women find you attractive? I'm not judging. I just need to be answered. I'm so confused.

Anonymous said...

have you tried fasting for really long, like 10 days? by the end of it you dont really feel the need to binge because your stomach has shrunk and your so high on your weightloss its enough to keep you away from more than a little snack or at most, a big bowl of cereal, then you can go back to one meal max. a day. its a great way to kick-start your weightloss if you've been slipping :)

breathless said...

first i wanted to say ive been waiting what seems like forever for someone to voice what youve written and i want to thank you! i am supporting 100%
but i kind of have a question, ive been blacking out a lot lately.. and its only been a few weeks since my last binge (so disappointed in myself). maybe you could mention something like that in your next blog.. maybe not haha. but thanks for thinspiring

Anonymous said...

i feel so gross at the moment, your such an massive help to me, you help to make my goals seem reachable :)

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell said...

I've been reading your blog for about a year now but this is my first comment because I was wondering...Where are you? I hope you're okay.

You're an inspiring writer and as to the Starbucks, I share your addiction. So bad, yet it tastes so good.
xx

sarah said...

Where have you been?
Will you be writing anymore?

Anonymous said...

I wonder what you're doing now. If you've chosen recovery, I hope you never come back to this blog, and never read this comment. If you've chosen ana, I hope you're okay. Either way, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and you have the support and love of countless anonymouses (anonymice). Good luck, sweetie. I hope you're famous by now. <3 xoxo

RiaRia said...

I miss you when you don't post for awhile. I was stuck in a situation today where I was being pressured to eat and I remembered how strong you are and it gave me the strength to fake a stomach ache. You inspire me so much. I just wanted to say thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hey sweetie,

I've been reading your blog for awhile and keep checking back even though you haven't posted since July 2009. I don't know why you haven't been posting, whether you have been forced back into treatment or you had to abandon your blog for some other reason. But I hope you are doing alright. My thoughts are with you.

Me

Flynn said...

Hi, I'm writing from Buenos Aires, Argentina! I love your blog, you are great girl. Just wanted to say that, I'm trying to regain control!!

XOXO

Anatomy said...

Hey....I'm kinda new to this....I just started getting into ana awhile ago. Except not "into" it....it just kinda snuck up on me without me realizing it. Like, one day I had to go without food practically the whole day, and at the end of the day I realized I didn't need it and felt so much better. And the less food I eat, the more weight comes off, and....I know it's probably very unhealthy, but it's exhilarating!!!!
In any event, I just wanted to say thanks for your bravery at posting this blog....I know you've heard it a million times, but you're such an inspiration!
PS, it's way late, but....I'm doing my own fast, a juice fast so not really a real fast, but it's my first one. My goal is to juice fast for 8 days. I'm starting tomorrow. Wish me luck, and good luck with all your current and future fasts!!! <3

Anonymous said...

I too am with you in this 30hr famine. I had been put on meds that caused me to gain weight and I feel disgusting.
I am limiting my food and calorie intake to next to nothing so starving for 30hrs should be easy.
I am going to get my body back !
I'm with you girl ! :)

Anonymous said...

where have you gone? I'm worried...
- j

Anonymous said...

im not a hater but and ex-follower gone wrong. the high of being thin will never go away, but theres a point and u can just maintain it, trust me! just take care x

nocalsgirlxx said...

i am with u the entire way. i heard drinking cold water makes you burn calories faster becuase your body works harder to keep you warm.
i also try getting jeans that are a size smaller then my size and try to fit in them by the end of the month. then i reward myself with some new jeans.

stay beautiful <3 with u the entire way

Anonymous said...

please seek help! this hurts to read!

Anonymous said...

Ana,
I miss you.
Where have you gone?
No other pro-ana blogger can stand up to you; you're a thinspiration to us all.
Come back!

Anonymous said...

What happened to you?

makayla said...

Good luck girl, I'm very new to this whole thing, I'll definitely fast with you (:

Be strong!! (:

jd said...

thankyou.

I want to be able to follow your blog publicly, but I am watched. I will keep coming back though.

Anonymous said...

I feel so sorry for you . Its sad how you don't love yourself. You need to believe you are beautiful, because u are. Jesus loves you.

skinny minny said...

where'd you go? :(
i miss your posts

Anonymous said...

Please give an update to let everyone you are OK!!

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