Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Can I just vent for a fucking moment?

I was not allowed to leave my recovery program until I was a "healthy" 120 lbs.

Tonight, the "Biggest Loser" was awarded $250,000 for being 117 lbs.

What the FUCK is wrong with this picture????

80 comments:

Candy Audrina said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amanda said...

that is pretty fucked up...

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy to see that you've posted! Your strength and perseverence have been a great source of inspiration for me during dark times.

I hope you are well.

To answer your question - yes that is incredibly f**ked up! I hate the way there are always two sets of rules... My parents always admire their friends' skinny daughters, yet they panic when I lose weight, even though I'm no where near as skinny as these other girls!! Apparently there's a difference between being naturally thin and not eating to get thin...

Yeah right whatever! Everyone knows skinny girls are only skinny because they do not eat!!! They got there before me, that's all.

Stay strong girlie, as always, you rock!

x

diente de león said...

god ... im really sorry for you. i just came across your blog - finally!! i was giving up hope that there could be any good blogs at all! - and i like it :)
But your story ... not so good.
and you're absolutely right, this IS insane!!

Anonymous said...

You're back! =]

Yeah, that's really stupid and unfair.

M.

Anonymous said...

Exactly! Society says don't eat you must be thin but then when we actually do they resent us and force us to gain weight. It makes no sense at all.

I think they should do a biggest loser for people who are not obese! I for one would love the workout.

Africana said...

OMG. I am so glad you are back! I found your blog a month ago and have read every word ...twice. I have been praying that you were doing well.

You are an incredible inspiration.

Thank God you are ok.

Today, I fast in support of you! <3

Holly said...

AHHHHHHHHH!!! Please come back! Please come back! Please come back!

Ok ok that was kinda crazy. But I really love - no loved - reading your blog! Write again...

E. said...

i'm visiting your blog every, every daym hoping for something new and today .. woah, love to hear from you.

and you are right. this is so fucked up.

hope your fine and alright and okay with everything.
xoxo
E.

Cristina said...

Society is fucked up. Talk about mixed signals. I keep trying to keep myself in line and I keep getting sidetracked. I turn on the tv, hello skin and bones. I look at myself, and it's "nope gotta keep eating gotta be healthy". You got people here who are there for you and understand you. be strong. and I am happy to ear form you again I kept checking everyday hoping you were ok.

Anonymous said...

I just began reading your blog. I am so glad you are back. I completely understand where you are coming from. But stay strong :)

Anonymous said...

So glad to see you posted, I have been a fan of this blog for aaaaages, from the very beginning when I first stumbled upon it and there were like 3 posts. Glad to see you back!

And yeah, it's fucked up. And unfair. And frankly insane. But what can you do, apart from point this out to all the people making you gain weight.

Hey, how bout you ask THEM to give YOU the same amount of money if you get down to 117 :P

vampire_bones said...

Thank god you're still breathing.

Mhmm, pretty fucked. This world is rediculous.

Anonymous said...

I FREAKING KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!!!!!

sometimes i just want to tell people to get off my back and let me live my life! come on! it's like you're either too fat or too thin. it's impossible!

Anonymous said...

GoGoGO...they are so stupid....keep going, we all love you :)

Absolutely love your blog, don't stop writing

Anonymous said...

Hello! I'm so glad that you are okay and back to your blog.

That is truly messed up about The Biggest Loser, but that is only one of the many many ridiculous contradictions that the media etc gives us about weight, food, and all that. Grrrrrrrr

Welcome back.

Anonymous said...

I know that at 4'11" (my height) I would totally be disgusted with being 117 lbs (I'm heavier than that, btw). However at 5'6" that seems like a healthy weight for the biggest loser winner. Are you, perhaps, taller than that?

Jasmine said...

have you recovered?

heather[hunger] said...

im glad you posted!!!
i missed reading your blogs, you soooooooooooooooooooooooo need to write more we miss you!
your my inspiration <3

and yes, that is way beyond fucked up.

Ana333 said...

My skinny friend! I missed you! Welcome back! Ill pray you get the strength to get back to normal (in ana's eyes)
Luv Ya, Anna.

meow said...

that is fucked up.

Anonymous said...

Hey! So glad to see you're back.

Apart from being such a Bloody Good Writer and an ana mainstay for loads of us, you have such mental strength, such sharp spot on observations - you can handle any blip in the road. We all need a bit of help at times, take our time to re-gather our focus etc etc.

So hope you're feeling ok and inspired by future challenges!

Stay Strong.

M x

~ Ani ~ said...

I know they all say it but hey, who cares.
You're back!!

The world is fucked and prejudice.

I wanna know how you're doing!!! So blog girl blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog!!

Stay strong princess!

Anonymous said...

I am new here to this site.It is totally great..Didn't know one existed i wish people would mind there damn business.I tell people you eat and feed your damn face don't worry about me and my body..I am not a god damn child i will do what i wish...It is mine to have control of...

Anonymous said...

Thats so unfair! It's pathetic how there are two sets of rules. The only reason they let that person win being 117lbs is because they must have been big before, (it's a big accomplishment for them yes) but leave us alone.

Stay strong
x

Anonymous said...

k i just came across this blog...
i think its a great blog, and i have anorexia, but im just confused?
did u choose to have it?
cuz i didnt....
i just cant eat
it will make me fat

Anonymous said...

I just finished reading your entire blog. You are such an inspiration for me and all the struggles you went through remind me of my own and how I dealt with them.

I hate that picture. I wish the media and real life matched.

madaywe said...

yeah dude fuck them, they need to leave us the hell alone and start bitching about all these tub of lard obese kids that have high cholesterol. They're not even 10 years old and are setting themselves up for tons of medical problems (not to mention- with all these fuckin giants around, who's paying for their doctors???-us, we the people who know that fasting can actually help our bodies) I say let ana loose to party- it's almost summer!!!

Anonymous said...

That really is fucked up...
by the way love your blog!
keep writing!

neverperfect said...

omygod - you are back - and yes thats oh so incredibly fucked up.. I hate the way people think they have such a right to dictate what everyone else does! its terrible, but stay strong.. I am so glad that you are blogging again please write again soon!!

all the luck in the world.. xx

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you back. :)

Gettingsmaller1 said...

I just found your blog. It's awesome to see one written by someone intelligent and able to convey the struggle...

The Biggest Loser is just another example of society's bullshit. Don't let it bother you. Mainstream America doesn't know jack.

taylor said...

I absolutely love your blog! I support you 100%! Keep fighting back and never give up, I'm gonna be fasting today just for you love :)

I do love how society finds it to be righteous to judge everyone out of the norm, if we want to be pure why can't we? You don't see them forcing the obese into recovery programs. No, that's just us. Pathetic.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure 3 pounds is a significant difference.

Also, height makes a difference. Maybe you're taller than the biggest loser in question. Even an inch makes a difference.

Anonymous said...

Missed you!


Glad you're back hun x

dateykay said...

SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK :]
you have inspired me.. check out my blog sometime if you like.

i'm glad that you were released from the program, but that is SERIOUSLY sick with the 120/117 thing.

can't wait to read more :] how have you been, besides the whole recovery thing?

Anonymous said...

yea i think society is so fucked up now a days i think its stupid how girls arnt allowed to be skinny anymore i mean wtf is wrong with it???? iv read this blog and its a great inspiration!

Anonymous said...

Hey! I read your blog awhile ago, right before you left. I'm so glad to see that you're back! I hope you're doing well

Anonymous said...

Oh man, do you know how happy i was to just come on here and see you have posted? I wasn't even expecting it, I gave up hoping you would ages ago, and now here you are!
Yes that is stupidly fucked up, everyone who think we are too stupid to control our own bodies are fucked up.
I'm feeling so angry at everyone today, everyone that tries to tell me what to eat and when, but seeing you are back has made me much happier.

Love x

Anonymous said...

Thank ana you're back!

I know, they want us to be fatter-or should I say "healthy"- but for fat people to be thinner than us! Just leave us the f*** alone...


Once again, cannot say just how glad I am to see a post from you!

J xxx

Anonymous said...

Ur back!!!!! Please start writing agian. I love ur blog... and yes, society is really fucked up.

Anabella said...

OMG so glad that you started to post again! I found your blog like 2 month ago and it has been my thinspiration reading since! everytime i feel that i can't anymore I just read it over and over! you go GIRL! f*ck what those "health program" say

Anonymous said...

No matter what, I think I speak for most of your readers when I say I'm amazingly happy that you're back. STAY STRONG! <3

Kaede said...

That is absolutely fucked up. Someone should complain to the idiots who let that kind of stuff happen.

Anonymous said...

Thank God you are alive, please come back to the blog. You are really, really needed...

Anonymous said...

Go my Ana Regzig...you vent away! And can I just give a "Woot Woot" at the fact that you blogged again! I'd almost given up checking and I'm excited to see you're back!

Ana's still with you, waiting in the deep recesses of your mind and heart for a time when you have the ability (in many ways) to come back to us all completely. You must do whatever you think is best, obviously, but I wish you would stil post - I gained 2.5lbs (on and off) since Jan after 9lbs continuous loss since Sept and I know it's, atleast in part, because I haven't had your blog to turn to for thinsparation.

My heart really goes out to you...120lbs, it must be killing you! We are here though...if you want us...

Please keep us posted. All my love as always - know you'll take the right path in the end.
Louana

The Girl In The Mirror said...

Be strong..plus do come back!

Anonymous said...

i enjoy reading your blog, I discovered it a few months ago and have been slowly reading it from the beginning.

that 117 thing is f*d up.

this world is f*d up i guess.

pls keep posting, even if u are recovered.

Lollipop said...

Yay!!!!

Welcome back - I have also been devouring your blog over the last two months - and I have been checking every now and then to see if your back!

perhaps you should go down to 117 pounds - and if anyone complains - tell them it's a healthy weight according to the biggest loser...

Anonymous said...

Welcome back. I missed you. Stay strong.

Jan said...

Amen, there is always a double standard. well good for you. will you start back at it?

Chai said...

I think i saw that episode. Totaly bogus.
Anyway, i found your blog earlier tonight and i fell in love with it. Ive read every word, and the funny thing is that it sounds like I could have written it myself.
We're simmilar, you and I.
Stay Strong! <3

L.B. said...

I just finished reading your entire blog from beginning to end over a few days' time. Your discipline and self-control are so breathtaking. It is encouraging to hear about someone else who craves that control -- to have power over something as primitive and subconcious as hunger, while everyone else seems to just give in to it like cattle. I hope you maintain that strength to find the control and structure you need -- fasting or not!

Emily said...

haha i feel your pain, but this made me giggle.

bink said...

you're back x
i've missed reading your blog so much... the world is fucked, they don't understand.

Issi said...

SO excited to see you back!
Life is unfair, especially these sorts of things.
Just makes me want to work harder.
You have been great inspiration to me, Im glad theres a blog out there written by a smart, mature person.

Much love.

Sabrina said...

She was too thin. I agree it was ridiculous. She looked freaking horrible at 117 wtf! They should've awarded it to Tara just because she looked 1,000 times better.

taylor said...

the biggest loser was most likely shorter than you, therefore able to weigh less and still be healthy. if not, then the difference is only three pounds, which really isn't that big of a deal. anyway, I'm glad you're back and I find your blog very interesting. I hope you keep posting.

Anonymous said...

i'm glad you've written more recently, now, i love reading this blog.

i totally know what you mean though, i was just in treatment for a month - thankfully they let me out at 119 instead of 127. and then as soon as someone who's "healthy" gets down to 110 pounds, well goddamn, let's just drop everything and be super happy for them!

well i'm not okay with it, and we shouldn't have to deal with it (which is why we have ana).

keep strong, love

Anonymous said...

That is messed up!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to see you're back!
I was so much stronger when reading your blog and got worried when you didn't post for such a long time!
Thank you so much
You're my number one thinspiration!

KatUK said...

I have only jus read ur blog and feel I have found a friend !! I have been on my own for so long, but I also feel bad for you.

Keep ur spirit up, thinkin of u and am wiv u in same form - Keep bloggin.

L8trs xx

Anonymous said...

the media says we should be 90lbs with a gucci bag in one hand and a latte in the other- whereas docors would like us all to be 'healthy' aka chubby. so yes, it is fucked up.

find YOUR medium. It's YOUR body, look the way you want to. drinking loads of water before you go for your weigh in will add a couple pounds of water weight- that way you can get them off your back but still know you haven't poluted your body with crap.

Lirimeansfree said...

that is so messed up, just dont bring that up in your recovery program becuase then they probably will keep you there longer!

discodancer1 said...

i love it

Anonymous said...

That's such crap. I understand treating EDs (would freaking die in "recovery" myself, but I get it..) but seriously. Making women gain a huge amount of weight??? I watched "Thin" and while I know you can be "sick" ie low BP, etc without being actually "thin" I think it's cruel to make us gain way beyond what's "OK."

Maybe it's sad, but every woman in that doc looked "normal" weight to me except for the wicked thin ones in the weigh-in in the beginning.

I'm healthy - but I prefer to be lean. I'm 5'3", and like being about 110 (about a zero) but I'm lean and work-out - and really watch what I eat. I don't miss a meal, but am really careful.

Forcefeeding women to "healthy" weights (big ol' sizes) esp in treatment is fucking cruel.

Anonymous said...

you're back!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333

Stephanie said...

There was a show on BBC tv called "Dana, the 8 year old Anorexic" (you can watch it if you search youtube). Dana's mother said Dana started watching "The Biggest Loser" prior to deciding to eat a little over 100 calories a day. The show is not healthy, weigh loss that fast is not healthy, just like eating disorders. I wish you the least amount of suffering possible, I am in recovery for anorexia and bulimia and being triggered like if I had watched the Biggest Loser winning at 117 lbs, would make me suffer. I don't like being triggered.

The Picture said...

People who are SUPER obese like me, need to get as low as possible in the hope of keeping it off. I won't give my numbers, but I really am huge, and If I could get down to 117, it would only be until I went and had supper...... And then I'd be back up to 120 in a breath....


i appreciate Pro Ana because I appreciate the control that you have in your lives. Thank you for showing me that control is possible....

Anonymous said...

It depends on height/weight ratio of what is "healthy." If you're tall, like, five feet six inches, 120 would be low on the "healthy" BMI scale. If you're short, say, five foot two, 117 would be middle ground of what is considered healthy on the bmi scale. I guess, when talking about WEIGHT, take in consideration of how tall/short you are?
Maybe they wouldn't let you leave until you weighed 120 because they knew there'd be a big chance you'd loose more weight.

sylvie said...

it really is fucked up.
stephanie - i COMPLETELY agree with you when you say that the show is unhealthy. it IS. crash diets and crash exercise is terrible for you. it sends your body into shock and warps your skin and usually, you gain all the weight right back.
if you're not going to embrace ana, to really lose weight you must make a LIFE CHANGE and work steadily but surely toward your goal weight.
anyway.
the weight thing is bullshit too. i have a sneaking suspicion that the nurses at ED clinics are just jealous and power hungry. they enjoy forcing you to gain back the weight because in the process, they feel better about themselves. it's sick.

katy said...

that is soo messed up thats fucking retarded ur an inspiration and i rly need that right now thx i luv u

Anonymous said...

HOLY FUCK! That is just crazy! I am so sorry hun!

Anonymous said...

Anyone who has been in treatment for an eating disorder has probably developed a pretty firm style on how to lose weight....and besides, the mental damage is permanent. You're bound to be back to your old tricks with a vengeance. (I always kept mine up AMAP while in treatment).

Anyone who has recently lost weight and is being celebrated has probably struggled a long time with overweight. Chances are greater than 75% that they will gain the major part of that weight back.

Two different kinds of eating disorders.

Try going to an "Overeaters Anonymous" meeting. It will make you sick.

I' sorry that your obsession with weight continues.

I struggle myself.

Alforone said...

My obsessive relationship with food is a secret I try to keep hidden even from myself. I'm not very successful in that, though.
I was some years ago many pounds heavier than my lowest weight. I freak out even when I think about it... but yet, I remember how absolutely happy I was then. I'd do anything to be that happy again... but I know it's simply impossible.
It's as cruel to reward people for losing weight as it's cruel to reward them for gaining it.
The only reward should be feeling good, physically and mentally. The reward should be the possibility to concentrate on any other thing other than weight. That's what the reward should be... For me, at least, I know for sure that will never be.

Anonymous said...

omg that sucks! I'm in the middle of a recovery program myself and i hate the way everyone stares at you when you eat and is constantly hasseling you. I agree that the doctors asking you to be 120lbs is unrealistic and must be very annoying.
xxx

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the height of the contestant on the show was different requiring her to be lighter than you to be in a healthy range.

TCTW said...

Society has it's double standards, I try not too. Be healthy, live long, live strong. Everything else is waste.
I hope you can be healthy and can think of yourself as beautiful without maing yourself sick or weak.

Spaz said...

All the double standards make me sick. I just came across your blog and enjoyed it very much. You have a strong mind so don't let that show kick you down. I will fast for you
<3

alakazoola said...

i think they make you gain above what the minimum healthy weight is to allow for an expected weight loss post treatment. the extra weight reduces the admission for treatment rate as (well in england anyway)there is community treatment for ongoing recovery support x