Sunday, January 25, 2009

I've gotten down to eating only 2 meals a day (breakfast and dinner), and I've been allowed to go back to the gym three or four times a week. I'm down 6 pounds.

It's not ana, but at least it's in the right direction.

119 comments:

Anonymous said...

Keep it up, please. I need your blog to keep me going. You don't need to be ana, you just need to inspire, which is what you do with your blog.

Anonymous said...

c: its okay. its a hard dicision to make...

Megan said...

just recently found your blog and i have to say you're one of the most inspirational people i've ever read about. i've been trying to fast so much, but i keep caving, and reading your blog helps me stay on track.
as for this post:
i'm really happy you are returning to ana! true it's not the same, but i'm sure you can make it. :)

Crstina said...

I hadn't commented much before because I finished reading your blog after you were gone already. What you write sounds so much like me, reading this gives some strange hope. I don't know if it's to continue or to stop or what, but I get something.

MIA said...

my beautiful ana, who i wish i could emulate,

when i first found your blog the other day, the first post i read was the previous one, about how you weren't sure if you wanted to come back to ana. it didn't have a strong impact on me at the time, but then i started at the beginning, and i read your whole story.

and now, beautiful ana baby, all i can say is that you owe it to us ugly people to keep starving. my precious ana, here i am, as your distant friend mia, but the both of us know that you are so much more graceful and beautiful than i am. you owe it to me, and all those who are weaker than you, to starve. you may say that you aren't quite ana yet, but once you don the identity of ana, she never truly goes away.

dearest ana, you are beautiful.

love (always, i shall love),
MIA

Anonymous said...

I'm happy you're back. Stay safe and sane.

As a funny, the captcha was cowsupel. How appropriate, I feel like a cow today.

Anonymous said...

im glad your back and getting healthy :)

Faith said...

I absolutely hate people who make me gain weight. It's impossible to get it off again.

Kudos for going down 6 pounds already :)

mlr said...

i wish you the best :-), and i hope that things work out for you :).
-monica

xoxoAlice said...

Good job, darling! =O wow.

i wish i could loose some weight too, but i got a long way to go :)

ily!

Anonymous said...

hi ana

i have been reading your blog for months and months now, but never had the courage to comment before now.

i can't believe how people who "care" about you could subject you to something so horrible like an intervention. if anyone that cared about me ever did that to me, i think i'd die.

i'm glad you're ok otherwise...are you coming back to ana or trying to maintain now?

it's funny, i've never really admitted to anyone before that i'm ana. i have a friend who is and we have talked around the issue so many times without actually talking ABOUT it that it's ridiculous...but i really like My Secret Life, as i call it. i like the strength that comes from knowing a secret about me that noone else knows....and i like the feeling of strength and power that it gives me over other people - knowing how much stronger i am for not eating.

i haven't been doing well lately tho - i have been eating one small meal a day (usually less than 450 cals) but it's still too much. i want to get back to when i was only consuming maybe 150-200 cals max (including liquids) and your blog really inspires me to keep going.

anyway...sorry this is SOOOOO long. maybe you will read it, maybe you won't...but it was good to get it out there. stay strong.

tali.

ps. i have been living with ana for over 15 years and i love it!

MisFuzzy said...

I'm glad you're back. :)

I don't really know if I should be encouraging ana after your recovery or not, but I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

First of all i want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us and letting us into your world. i hope that by blogging about ana and its impact on your life that any pain you feel becase of ana is lessened. we all love you and want to see you find a way of living, with or without ana, that will make you happy.
i have been ana for about 10 months and although it is harder than anything else i have ever had to live through, it still makes me happy when my weight continues to drop. i love reading your blog and sincerely hope you find peace.
xoxoxo

BanaB said...

it's great to find someone like me. I've read a few of your articles and girl do i love reading you! I found some other websites but they weren't all that great... I am officialy one of your top fans.
As for your two meals a day, it's not too bad. But try to eat at luch instead of diner or at least before 7pm.
hope to talk to you soon
BanaB

Anonymous said...

You are an ever-inspiring presence in my life. Stay strong and follow that beautiful heart of yours.
-Zoe

Rachel said...

Aw hun :(
I'd hate to see you slip back into this. But if you aren't ready to recover yet, I'll be here supporting you either way.

Hang in there! It'll get better

Anna said...

I read your blog pretty much religiously.

And I just thought I'd let you know I'm wishing you the best. And by "best" I mean, what you want. Weather that's recovering or starting restricting again.

Anonymous said...

hi :)
just a quick comment to say that i'm so glad you're writing again, even if it isn't often, it's just good to hear from you- to hear that your doing ok. your blog has been such an inspiration and a lifeline for me and for so many others. Thankyou so much.
M.

anaestrella said...

So glad you're home...

.Infinity. said...

keep persevering. I'm 16, and ana, and you are such an inspiration to me. I'm horrified by the thought of an intervention, and you're doing amazingly well, not letting anyone stop you.
thank you for your awesome blog, it is such a motivation.

xx

Savannah said...

just do whatever you need to. we will support you!

Anonymous said...

That is actually wat i do, just have breakfast and dinner n 5-7 times a week at the gym. U still function n feel great :D n maintain ur weight while can still consume the once in a while guilty pleasurable food.

Anonymous said...

You will have support no matter what you decide to do. do what is best for you in this moment and take your other moments as they come.

candykills said...

I am also trying to lose weight, and yesterday was a difficult day... But one thing that I tell you is to keep optimistic! Keep the smile on your face and be strong on your diets! ^^ Good luck for you!

Anonymous said...

for it not being ana, its still a damned good weightloss so i say, what the hell keep it up
if no one else says it , i say ive been reading your blog and im proud of you, and i hope you find what your really looking for.
keep it up

Anonymous said...

love ya gir you`re my thinnspiration

Louana said...

It's so good to hear from you Ana! I'm everso glad to hear that you feel you're getting back on track. To quote a fabulous, inspirational person (YOU!): "The BEST ana's are the ones who can LIVE with this disease...The whole point of this "disease" is to be a LIVING skeleton! It doesn't do you any good to be thin if you're DEAD." [April 18th 2007]. Having a genuine ED, LONGTERM, will inevitably involve periods of extreme proactivity and also periods of rest (albeit unintentional alot of the time ;-) ). I think my point is simply this: You have become a huge part of many peoples lives as this way of life is, by necessity, quite emotionally isolating, so whatever you do and whichever path you take next, we'll all be with you - 2 footprints or four. Lots of love coming at ya from the UK, Louana.

Anonymous said...

Hi :) You have been sorley missed. Hope that thigs are working out for you at the mo and you will be leaving posts again soon x

Anonymous said...

hi :-) i just want you to know that i am still listening.

Anonymous said...

Please keep posting. I love reading your blog!

-L

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are back! I discovered your blog a few weeks ago and was so sad to see that you stopped blogging... Welcome back!

Anonymous said...

C: you'll always have my support no matter what you choose. c:

Anonymous said...

I miss your posts. Do what you think is right and keep us fans updated. Much love!

mel said...

I hope you post again, and I hope you are doing okay. I have been struggling between recovery and my disorder a lot lately, wanting to be healthy but wanting so much more to just be thin. I hope that no matter what you are doing you are happy.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry about it too much. You'll get there.

<3 Kate

Anonymous said...

it's so hard, isn't it. All I want to do is starve to death but no-one will let me. :(

hey.hana said...

If only you had a nickel for time someone wrote "inspire," "inspiring," or "inspirational" in a comment, right?

I'm sorry you get intervened... that's never fun. However, I have full faith you can get right back to where you were, if that's where you want to be. But how will you stop the same thing from happening again? jw...

and Good luck :]

Anonymous said...

Please come back! We need you!

Anonymous said...

it must be nice to be able to go to the gym again.

I hope you get your feelings sorted out. Your post on 4 Jan sounded like you weren't sure what you should/could do with your life.

take care.

Anonymous said...

i just found your blog and i think what you write is witty and clever and i love it. i'm sorry to hear your family tricked you. don't worry i'm sure you can get back to what you reached before and more.



-anna

Oh So Cherry said...

hey
so nice to hear from you again

ddd4unc said...

be safe.

missed you!!!

DietThin said...

Your blog has been an inspiration to me! <3

CeliaDawson said...

I wish you were back. I'm reading your blog from the beginning and it is extremely inspiring. I aspire to be where you are/were. So strong.

Anonymous said...

you're doing great. keep up the great work! i know you can make it to your goal(s), just like me making it to my goal(s)...
*hugs*

Vee said...

Welcome back and well done!

gilber88 said...

hello doll
a day without your posts is a day to u without ana
come back to us we love u
always thinking of u
xxxxx

Domi said...

<3 stay strong!

L said...

Wow 6 pounds! Congratulations (if that's what you're going for).
I do hope you continue to post.

Religiously checking,
L

Ana said...

Please start blogging again! You're such an inspiration and I adore reading your blog. x

Celia said...

Where did you go?
I miss your updates.
You kept me motivated and in check.

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog is exactly like being inside my own head. I am 33 and have struggles with both ana and mia for as long as I can remember. I gained 15 pounds and have avoided almost everything socially. I was even in Vietnam with my husband and avoided dinner with friends who live there because I was so ashamed of my body. I secretly binge and have secretly plotted and starved for years. At my thinnest, I ate once a day. Thank you for sharing these honest feelings. I can't run from ana and mia, when I try to be rational my shame and desire to be light as air overcome my intellect. This is who we are!

Nika said...

Come back...

Lifeashungry said...

stay strong and dont give up, congrats on the exercising and the weight loss, thatz very impressive :)

Anonymous said...

When I'm at my lowest I always come back to this site, somehow it gives me strength. Now it's your turn to lean on us if you need to. xxx

x emily said...

stay strong <3
and i hope you're doing well, you haven't posted anything in a while :/

Lecea said...

I can't stand these long pauses in between posts. Please come back and post more often, been hoping to read more on how you are doing.

Anonymous said...

6 pounds is no small feat - it's a great start!

please post some more and tell us how you're doing!

Anonymous said...

I've stumbled across your blog some time late last year and have been following up till now. I was quiet worried when you weren't updating anymore. D:

I'm glad you're being healthy, it is the right decision. And I wish you all the best.

In many ways than one, you are an inspiration. It is your determination that I both envy and adore.

With love, Yuu.

Hanna said...

Hi there, i just wanted to say, your doing well. as the time passes by you will be able to eat less and less, dont give up x

Anonymous said...

Where are you ?
I've been reading all your blog and its such an inspiration. I hope you're well.
Im 135lbs, 5 foot 6, i feel like a whale :( :(
But your blog has such good advice im starting a diet next week and using your tips =]
Thankyou xx

Anonymous said...

hello Hun! Don't give up hope! As long as you're happy with what you're doin we are here to support. And I just want to say that reading your blog is truly interestin and is quite helpful. good luck and keep on bloggin!
xx

Friend said...

Honey! Take care of yourself and don't let food to have controll over you!

Anonymous said...

Please come back! Hope you're doing well.

A

Anonymous said...

hey, just wanted to say that i started reading all of this and i found it to be inspiring. not so much to be the way you were but more so to do what makes me happy. i want to be thin so badly but maybe what i want is to be healthy and maybe the thin will come along with it. thanks again!

L said...

Miss you anaregzig. I'll never stop checking to see if you've written!!!

- L

Mango said...

6 pounds? That's a good start. =)

Hey, I know people have asked this before, but how do you keep parents from finding out that you don't eat? Because I'm 15 and I live with my parents, and my mom is paranoid that I'm going to go anorexic and die like my aunt did, so she always makes me eat.



I've just finished reading all your posts and you're really inspiring. =) Thank you!!!

Mia said...

Well you've got to start somewhere. I just started reading your blog and I LOVE it. Good luck getting back to Ana!!!SS♥TT

Lola said...

you're an inspiration
so many people depend on you
keep up the momentum..you've indirectly given me some tips i hadn't realized in months.
:)

Anonymous said...

Where have you gone???? I need you to stay strong! Please post, even just to let us all know that you're ok. MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!! Louana

Duchess of Versailles said...

well at least now you get to fight of your healthiness...

stay strong, your blog is one of the best inspirations i have

best wishes

i'd love some tips :D ?
XOXO

Anonymous said...

i wish you would update again!

L said...

Still checking in to see how you are and if you've updated at all. I hop you're OK!!

-L

Anonymous said...

Just thought I'd say that your blog is very thinspirational! It keeps me going through all the cravings.
I just wanted to ask you how you manage to keep going when doing a juice fast? I tried a juice fast today and I have no energy at all. I even cheated a bit this morning with a cup of coffee. How do you keep going and then have enough energy to hit the gym aswel??

Anonymous said...

Hey Ana

Not seen you around for ages, hope you're ok...cyberland ain't the same without you!

Anonymous said...

Just discovered your blog. It's extremely inspirational! I hope you are doing well. Please write more when you get a chance!

Anonymous said...

come back Ana! i miss your posts and inspiration

Anonymous said...

Hey I know you haven't written in a couple months so I'm not sure if you're still into the ana thing. If you're getting healthy then congrats and stick with it.
But if you do plan to come back then I want you to know that I've been reading your blog for the past couple of days like a fucking novel. The motivation it gives me is incredible.
I wish there was more online (and printed) literature like this available. I remember the days before people knew about pro-ana when none of the websites had been taken down yet and they weren't all EXACTLY THE SAME. I am thinking of starting a blog of my own with a similar theme. If you blog with a "pro-ana" label, are you in danger of having your page shut down?
Keep in touch
~"Marie"

annaht said...

I agree honey!

I´m in the same boat.

Keep up the good job! ;-)

Captain Morgan said...

keep it up

lost said...

i've read every entry, even though i just found this blog a few days ago.

your last two posts have so many comments of support, and this one had zero.

so i just wanted to let you know. someone is here supporting you!

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog latly, and you have inspired me a lot; more then my pics did actually. I just wanted to tell you I know you can do it. We're all cheering you on, starve on :)

Anonymous said...

i check every day for ur post,
plz come back soon, you are sooo missed.
+♥

abettergirl said...

COME BACK!

Anonymous said...

We all missed you!

And were worried with no post for so long...

Whatever you do next is going to take strength and determintation-ana and recovery are as hard as each other but I hope whichever pth you take you still post on here. And remember-never be ashamaed of your choices xxxxx

Anonymous said...

Sweetie come back.. please let us know you are ok.

Thinking of you.. oxox

miarose said...

Good luck in getting back on track!

I'm a new reader. I was just thrown into treatment for 2 months and I'm finally back to being on my own and not being fucking force fed. It's such a relief.

I'm looking forward to future posts and updates, but in the meantime I'm reading backward.

phantom girl rx said...

You're blog is absolutely brillant. I admire you completely. Keep it up, you seem to be doing an amazing job at keeping thin! ;] Wish I could be like you!

Mel said...

This is pretty much where I am too. Ana phased out for about 2 years for me but it's just in my blood. I cannot get enough of it.

Stay strong!

Anonymous said...

you have been gone a long time, am hoping that you are ok... xxx
a well-wisher

Anonymous said...

i'm also a new reader to your blog. you put words to a lot of my feelings, and i really appreciate being able to key into a post here and there that matches my state of mind. thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I'm glad I came across your blog. I almost got intervened a couple of times. Then I went through some recovery and now I'm back on the same path. Reading this lets me know that someone else out there is as upfront and blunt as I was. It's great to see someone not asking for help but just spilling thoughts and thinking along the same lines I do. Take care and be safe.

Faye said...

Well done...xx
wish i was doing as good as you!

Lots of <3,
Faye :)

Anonymous said...

Where's my fav Ana gal gone? The Proana cyber-world is just not the same without ya! It's now April and I've been checking everyday since the 25th Jan and each day brings dissappointment. I know you've checked in cos you've OKed 50 comments and rejected goodness knows how many. Can all of us combined not implore you to send us just a little post?? Like leaving just a little on the plate or exercising just that little bit longer..?

Love you and miss you as always,

Starve on Ana, God walks with you no matter which way you go - he created you as you are and the world that helped mould you.

Louana.
XXXXXXX

Ana333 said...

Hey girl.... oh man, Im where you are... serious! Im sick and tired of this. I gained 20 lbs in a year... dunno how.... but im going back. Ana is cllin my name....
You keep it up! I luv ya!!! xoxoxoxo

lonely_me said...

This is the first time i got lost here, but this blog is amazing and gives such inspiration! Thank you for having this!!

Anonymous said...

hey! never actually been on a site like this be4. im 18 and ive been battling with my weight since the of 13 i seemed 2 put alot on when i hit my teenage years but then i found that when i actually left school i wasnt eating as much as i use 2 and lost alot of weight. i was happy for i while, i was gettin lots and lots of comments sayin i looked great but now im totally obsessed wiv stayin thin! i actually get it into my head that im fat people tell me im not but i just dont seem 2 listen! i want 2 drop a couple of pounds and i need encouragement 2 do so. so if any1 readin this can help please get back 2 me.

Cursd said...

Hey, I just joined Blogger and I found your blog - you're an inspiration (ugh, i hate saying that, it sounds like such a cliche! But true in your case =]) and don't worry, you'll get back down to ana soon, it's always hard after an intervention, but if you want it hard enough, you'll get there! Write more soon. =] Love, fellow ana. XXX

Dazy-Mae said...

i understand

Anonymous said...

i have just been reading your blog and you have really inspired me i hate my body at the moment and i always feel gross and worst of all my nan called me fat i feel so different like i'm the only boy who feels this way (but i've been told i was a fat when i was born)

thanx for listening :D

Anonymous said...

hey hun...im new to this, i used to comfort eat and i feel disgusting im on the rainbow diet now which im excited to lose weight with i hate my body right now...but one day is fasting and i've never done that before...can you explain? like can you still drink water? I'm glad your losing weight like you want to again hopefully one day i can be as thin as you :)

Anonymous said...

hi u am inspired by wat u are doin id love to be able to do it ...keep it up love yas z z

faith said...

i have found your post and find this is insipering and that i am no longer alone and i can relate to someone who is in the same mind frame and understands what i am thinking thank you sssoooooo much x

♥Angel♥ said...

hey well done keep it up!

Hoshikana said...

I have been reading your blog a lot lately. You are amazing, my thinspiration is you.

I hope you are ok as you havn't prosted in a while. Stay strong and true to ana. I know that in future, when I feel weak, I will always come back to you and your blog.

You are amazing.

~Love~

Hoshikana

keepmestrong said...

where are you?
i just discovered your blog, and i am in love. you are so amazing, and funny!
depression for so long and no inspiration made me gain weight, i feel disgusting, like a fat whale.
reading your blog, i realised that that empty, euphoric feeling is exactly how i feel when i don't eat. Its incredible. that hollow pit in my stomach that amazing feeling.
i'm a model, such a similar industry to acting, and i know exactly how you feel about the fucking people at shoots forcing food down your throat. Get this at one shoot that actually attempted to give me McDonalds!
anyway, i hope you will blog soon, because i really need you and have been so happy to have found you
xx
nothing tastes as good as thin feels :)

Anonymous said...

Just to let you kno your blog has been amazing for me.
I'm sad to see you haven't posted in a long time, and i hope you're ohkay?
Starve on honey and stay thin<33

anaxo said...

I spent hours today reading your entire blog. I was on google, clicked a link, and this most recent post sucked me in.
I am looking in a mirror. I am you in 2007. I cried when I read about your binges because I have only too often done the same, only to run for hours and eat a mere 200 calories the next few days because even that is better than vomiting. Your story began like my story and I only pray to find the strength within me to transition as you did.
Your will power is admirable, and I wish you the best in your life, career, and every pursuit.
I hope you see this and know that someone besides Ana feels what you feel.

Anonymous said...

Hey there!
While looking for some thinspiration I sumbled upon your blog last night... and ended up reading the whole thing! Our stories are almost perfectly identical, and it is such a comfort to know that there is someone else out there dealing with ana struggles being in the entertainment business. I have so much hope for you and only wish the best. Thanks for being one of MY thinspirations!
-D

jforana said...

Come back Anna!!! Where are you??

Shannon said...

I know how that feels believe me, just two years ago I was forced to go to treatment. I had to gain weight and so I did a tiny bit, like a couple pounds. anyways, I just recently had a baby, and I don't think you can cure anorexia because I still want it, I think about it everyday, and i love it. sorry if this isn't helpful.

Anonymous said...

Ana, come back darling. You are top-of-the-charts on Google. I really hope you have not died....

- MaleBones

Anonymous said...

hey i'm totally new to reading your blog but i have to admit i think you're so great keep up the good work!!!!

Anonymous said...

(Less is More): you should publish a book and sell it and make money with your blog, that way we could all get your book so we could read your thinspiration anywhere, and you could put thinspiration pics in there too- you'd just have to do it ana-nymously!

Anonymous said...

Good luck! I've been trying to lose weight too and what works for me is to eat just a couple bites for breakfast and lunch instead of skipping one.

Lollipop said...

Hi, Ana-sister.

Hope you are well - I have only just discovered your blog over the last two weeks - have gone way back in the archive and read straight through from the beginning to here..

Wishing you the best, and I'll keep checking if you have been back to post...

Thank you for all the motivation and sharing your experiences. I always knew I had a troublesome relationship with food - however, reading your blog, seeing my 'symptoms' if I can call it that - and finally having something to call it - I now know that I am a proud ana (dabbling with a little mia from time to time) and it is beautiful to know I am not alone.

I now have an identity - if you can call it that - I know that there are people all over the world that think and feel and obsess and count the way I do.

Thank you for introducing me to a community I have been a silent part of since around 2001...

Anonymous said...

I could tell you to listen to those who care about you, but, as an addict, I can tell you from experience that you will have to discover this for yourself. You are all beautiful women and men, and I truly hope you find the inner peace that you are all so desperately searching for.

beachbabe said...

I came across this site and your comment really struck me. I also suffered from anerexia but have managed to stay healthy for 2 years now. I hope that you are able to be healthy and not let the disease take over your life again.

Anonymous said...

I got married on Saturday, it was meant to be the best day of my life but my beautiful twin sister who was meant to be my bridesmaid, wasn't there: ana claimed her 7 months ago, she was 25 my older sister by 15 minutes.

There's an ache in my heart and tears streaming down my face as I write this, I'd give anything to have my beloved twin, my best friend back but it's too late.

You must do what you feel is right, but don't expect to be forgiven for it: I love my sister but I also hate her for breaking my and our parents hearts.

I hate ana for killing my sister. I know you don't care because has you now, you're lost and soon: will become just another statistic just like my beautiful Emma.

My heartfelt love goes to those that love you, I know how they feel, you don't.