The film festival was pretty intense. Luckily, I wasn't in the direct limelight, as I wasn't there to promote my own movie, but rather to support another movie that my co-star was also in. Even so, my entire day was OBSESSED with my looks. All week I've been restricting hard and fasting every other day to prepare for this. From the moment I woke up at 8 AM I started working on hair, makeup, dress, nails, jewelry, the works... And even AT the festival, even though my movie was not the highlight, there were of course tons of photographers eager to take my picture in anticipation of its release. So even though I didn't go to be in the spotlight, I was. Ugh.
It's really exhausting. Being famous is SO not my bag. I cherish my anonymity. My co-star on the other hand... he was born into celebrity (his dad and brother are famous too), so he's used to this. He aced the day like a pro which left me feeling... ugh, I love my job and hate my career.
The outfit I chose to wear was satisfactory. I liked the way I looked for the most part, except I still wish to reduce the size of my hips and arms. But my boobs looked good, my stomach looked flat, and I had some KILLER hot heels on. Hopefully the shoes and the face/hair kept the attention away from my less-than-perfect body parts in the red carpet pics.
After the festival, a bunch of the cast and crew from my movie went out together for "drinks" (which also included table appetizers). I was the only one who neither ate nor drank (only 4 glasses of ice water, because the damned server was so lazy she never seemed to notice when I emptied the glass). And while this is the same crew who constantly chastized me for not eating on the set during shooting (six months ago) no one said anything to me at dinner! Ugh! Which just confirms to me what I already know is true... I'm not as scary-thin as I was in the movie.
In fact, it is true. I currently weigh five pounds more than I did during filming. And with only about 2 1/2 months to go before we start premiering this film next January, I wanna lose not only that five, but at least another five. Ten pounds in 10 weeks should be feasible.
I came home from the festival feeling pretty damned depressed about myself. I hated myself so much that I nearly stopped for a fast food binge, but ana helped me keep going. Good thing, because when I got home, my roommates were having a surprise birthday party for another mutual friend of ours, and I was served a sizeable helping of pumpkin dessert topped with whip cream.
This is where my day started to turn around. Why was >I< given the biggest piece? Now, my roommates surely have noticed that my designated shelf on the fridge holds mainly juices and waters, and very little food lately. They haven't said anything to me directly, but they sure were watching to see if I'd resist eating the dessert. Still in acting mode, I dove straight in and complimented the chef several times, making lots of yummy sounds and even scraping the plate with my fork at the end. That seemed to calm them substantially. They didn't need to know it was the ONLY thing I'd eaten all day.
But sitting around later, the talk turned in such a way I nearly laughed out loud. My one friend "M" is six months pregnant, and we were having a lively discussion about how she's feeling lately, etc. (My other friend "J" is a midwife.) We were discussing how much weight she's gained or lost, comparing it to the reports of other celebs, etc. J, the midwife, tells a story about one woman she knew who actually lost about 30 lbs throughout her pregnancy, and still came out healthy. My friend "S" launches into a rabbit-trail, and for some reason pumps up his volume about a notch and a half. The first line was, "Well, when someone starves themself..." and the entire room fell completely silent!
Hello! 500-lb. gorilla standing here! Please... go on!
"...not saying that anyone HERE starves themselves... ahem..." as he hastily shifts his eyes to every single person in the room to alleviate any invisible pointed fingers. He went on into a tirade about the loss of muscle mass instead of fat, etc., blah, blah, blah...
I could have died laughing!!! But I kept my cool. (Ligeia, your comment couldn't have been more perfectly timed!) So it's suddenly clear to me that before I arrived home tonight, these four probably had a chat about me and my eating habits lately. Maybe they're even concerned. Ha. Good for them.
And after our guests had left for the evening, and I'm helping J clean up the kitchen, she mentions that we're thinking of having another small dinner party/girls' night in about 2 weeks. So it's now clear to me that these parties at our house are clearly attempts to get me to eat. Ha!!!
Well, as long as it's only once every 2 weeks or so, I can plan around that. :)
So overall, last week was a good week. Fasted every other day, and got two more lbs off of me. My pants are beginning to fit loose again, and I went shopping on Saturday to find some tops that fit, but loosely, so I can hide any further weight losses.
I love this game. I love this lifestyle. I think I really like this new trend I've started without even planning it that way: fasting every other day. I can see myself getting back towards plans like the 34-day fast I did last year. In fact...