There's all these things I'm remembering that I'd forgotten since the last time I proactively tried ana. Like the fact that I've barely taken a shit in the past week or so, because when you don't eat, you have nothing to shit!
Unfortunately, I've been very sick all this weekend, and that means I've been doing a whole lot of laying around, resting, but also not a lot of eating. (It hurts my throat to swallow.)
I still feel empty from not eating much, but not doing much means that my weight also hasn't changed for three days. Damnit.
However, the time in bed has given me a lot of hours to think about what sort of foods I COULD eat that I wouldn't feel guilty about. Here's a short list:
Sugar-free popsicles: 15 cals each (shiverring burns calories!)
Sugar-free jello: 10 cals each (take the time and effort to cut them into fun shapes, burn calories by playing with your food)
Watermelon, 1/2 cup (balls): 23 calories (the extra water makes you feel fuller)
Salsa, 2 tbsp: 15 calories (plus the cilantro gives your metabolism a jolt)
Plum, 1 small: 30 calories (plus it helps you shit out the calories you ate)
That's just the stuff that slides down easy. So now I'm sitting here starting to plan ahead for next week. I currently weigh only one pound less than I did seven days ago, and I still want to lose three more before Friday. This calls for something more drastic than just starving/restricting.
I was on this one self-created diet a few years ago that worked pretty well. I was working 8- to 12-hour days at my job, and going to the gym for 2 hours every night (about 1 hour cardio, 1/2 hour weights, 1/2 hour stretching/abs). And I really liked the results I got, even though they were slow to come. It's the sort of habitual routine that pays off in the long run.
>>Each day I would wake up and immediately start sipping a liter of cold water. Meantime, I'd have breakfast: 1/2 cup of fat-free cottage cheese (80 cals). I would finish the first liter of water before leaving the house.
At work, I would make sure to steadily consume another liter of water every 2.5 to 4 hours, depending on the length of my day. I would also steadily nosh on an apple (55 cals) cut up into 8 slices, sprinkled with lemon juice (to prevent browning), one bite at a time. And also 1 cup of Kashi heart-to-heart cereal (146 cals) that I kept in a baggie, one or two o's at a time (low-cal and high-fiber). During breaktimes and mealtimes I would avoid the crowd and find a corner to do situps, pushups, jumping jacks, whatever I could to burn more calories.
At the end of the workday, I would have a 1/2 cup of steamed vegetables (60 calories) to prepare me for my workout, during which I would consume the fifth liter of water, if not more. After my workout, I'd "reward" myself with a single portabello gardenburger (90 calories), a good hot shower and at least 8 hours of sleep.<<
That's a total of 431 calories per day, leaving me with a deficit of at least 1200 calories per day, provided my metabolism stayed on track. Being so cold (from all the cold water) motivated me to keep moving continually throughout the day, and since I wasn't exactly "starving," my body never really freaked out.
When my schedule was this steady for about 3 months straight, I dropped about 15 pounds and nobody around me really seemed to notice that I "wasn't eating." It was slow and steady, but in the end, I really liked the results. I kept up my metabolism, created some definition, and avoided all the stares.
Here I am, lying in bed, desperate to be well again so I can get back to my friggin' life. And wondering if I should try to go back to a plan like that again...