Sunday, September 14, 2008

The MEDIA are such bloody retards!

Keira Knightley's Foolproof Plan to Battle Anorexia Rumors: Pregnancy

Mention Keira Knightley's name to us, and two things come immediately to mind: Atonement, and a startlingly precipitous clavicle.

For years, Knightley has been fending off rumors about her bony physique, though now, the squatting star believes she's hit upon a plan that will silence her critics once and for all: The Duchess actress - who is often criticised for her slim figure - believes she would get a break from her detractors if she had a baby.

She said: 'That's a good reason to have a kid. They won't say I'm anorexic any more. S**t, I've got to have a child.'

F**k yeah you do! Having a baby (who we imagine, for some reason, would come out of the womb already furiously chain-smoking) could be the answer to all of Knightley's Hollywood prayers! Flush with pregnancy curves, no longer would the actress have to suffer the indignity of digitally-enhanced breasts and four-Skittle dinners. Or, alternately, Knightley could simply eat a sandwich every now and then.

Please Keira, don't do it! Remember how we used to worship Saint Ana Nicole Richie? Now look at her...

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