Sunday, September 28, 2008

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

This morning, I'm still five lbs away from my goal weight for Wednesday's promo appearance for my movie. Restricted all weekend, and got in some killer cardio, but here I am, still not thin enough. And only 57 hours left until the camera-bulbs start immortalizing my current figure.

I do have to be on-set today (playing a DEPRESSED grad student - how appropriate!), but I am committing right now to not "use my job as an excuse." (God bless the Danish girl who wrote me such a nasty comment, that I am now regretting having rejected -- your words have reverberated in my head all weekend and kept me strong!) I will avoid the craft services at all costs, yes, even if it pisses off the caterer. And hopefully I can fake enough of a stomachache in the morning to get me out of lunch. All I will need is a good place to "hide" where I can pretend to be "working thru lunch."

But so far it looks like I'll have both Tuesday and Wednesday off. In addition to fasting from all food, and limiting liquids to diluted grapefruit and cranberry juices (natural diuretics), Tuesday I'm going to super-dose on the laxatives while my roommates are at work, and Wednesday I'm going to do my first saltwater flush in a long time. It's probably going to hurt like hell, but it will be SOOOO worth it when the dress fits loose on Wednesday night.

(I know you're going to ask; everyone does.) What's a saltwater flush?
This was the reaction to one of my first saltwater flushes.
This was a post of some of the other perks of a saltwater flush.
This is a post answering a comment about the saltwater flush.
And this is the LINK TO THE RECIPE, in case you'd like to try a SWFlush with me.

Who's with me? Leave a comment. Let's support each other, girlies.
Ana-luv to ya.


Indigo said...

The saltwater flush wont work with regular iodized salt, will it?

i dont happen to have any of the mineral salt. =(

Anonymous said...

ive seriously been WAITING for your next post.
you can do this.
i can do it to.
and gave me that push to keep going.

-ana's bitch.
ps. do not give up. do what you have to do.
keep thinking LOOSE DRESS.

Ligeia Anamia said...

you're an angel! just when i needed support--a current blog! my head has been going back and forth and for the last five days I've been disgustingly weak. I was doing *so well*! down to the thinnest I've EVER been (5'6'' and 108)!!!

Then family and friends started telling me that I looked scary. gaunt. sharp. boney. That I'd lost all my shape...and it got to me. I want to look *good* on my wedding day, not sick. SO I gave in and ate from thursday to sunday. without counting...

I've gained 5 or 6 pounds!!!!!!!! I'm no longer "underweight". I haven't gotten my period yet, because it's only been maybe a day of being "normal" weight, but I'm so disappointed in myself. I start fasting again today...i've only had my cafe ole (with just a little fat free milk and a spoonful out of a 25calorie pack of diet coacoa powder) this morning. and that's all i'm having.

I'm doing that salt water flush tomorrow. I had a "cleansing" tea last night, but it didn't work like it normally does.

I still feel like such a loser for the way I've eaten. It was my bridal shower and used the excuse that I needed to eat to fool everyone so they wouldn't think i have an E.D.
Thought that I could afford to do that one day, but by that time I'd already gone up a few lbs. I was weak and wrong.

it's a slippery slope my friends. starve on my darling!

hey.hana said...

how weird!
I tried a swflush this morning actually... It didn't work so hot, since I passed the fuck out before I could drink more than half the mixture... Vile stuff.

But I do want to try again! Perhaps on an even emptier stomach would do the trick...?

And I don't have class on wed. until 2:30 so that would work out perfectly. I'll choke down salt water if you choke down salt water!

And really, thank your for being here, keeping me strong and centered and all that shit. My current goal ((although I'm not sure the likeliness of this, esp. considering I'm quitting cigarettes today [[which reminds me.. gum gum gum gum]])) is to lose five lbs by wednesday night with you. Im at *gasp* 122 *gasp* after spending the weekend with this boy.. which was way fun don't get me wrong but... I'm gonna have to do better next time.

Anyway I want to be back to 118 at least and hopefully more like 117... I MUST get under 20 - I feel so frumpy.

As usual, sorry for the novel.
And tell the caterer to kindly go fuck herself - you're following a very strict, spiritual diet ((called not eating, but don't tell her that part)) and she's disturbing the flow of your chi.

or something.

peace girl,

Ligeia Anamia said...

(sorry about my previous post attempt, i just read the part about the "no stats" after I tried to post)

So basically, just found the blog and want to say YOU are an angel! thankyouThankYouTHANKYOU for renewing my vigor and determination!

After a terribly weekend of eating "norally", I've gone from underwieght to normal and it's so dissapointing... I wish there was a way for those of us chosing to live this way to have a support forum that would allow us to post pictures of ourselves and share with each other without persecution.

I only say that because if someone was there to counteract the opinions of family and friends that i'm "too skinny" or "need to eat" or "boney", I wouldn't have let myself gain weight and wouldn't feel like such a loser right now.

L said...

I'm in with the SW flush! Will have to do it when the BF isn't around.

I'm so curious as to what the nasty Danish comment consisted of - you tease!

Anonymous said...

My Dear
Don't be sorry for rejecting my comment, I understand you. And please understand I wrote because I care for you, and because you remind me off myself. I know, that not eating in public was the last plateau I needed to force to be totally in controll. My worst fear is eating in public, every day at work my collegeauges ask me why I aren't eating, and every day I smile, and say, oh I don't know, I'm really never that hungry in the middle of the day. Sunday was a nightmare I had'ent been eating all day and suddenly I started to shake uncontrollable, everyone at work noticed, and off course one off the girls I like the best shouted, so that everyone coul hear, that's because she never eat, and everybody starred and asked questions. Horrible!
I admire you so much sweetie, I think you're strong and controlled, and deserve every little bit of that red bracelet. You just need to overcome this, that seems to be your only weakness.
And, exscuse me for saying this, but for me it seems you're using it as an exccuse for yourself, because you need to be able to blame someone else. Own up to it my darling, defeat it and be strong:) Wright?
I'm 120 today so i'm slowly but surely closing in on the target:)
Lots of love
- C. (the danish girl:))
P.s Don't ever feel you can't post your defeats, you shall, and that dosn't make you less ana, you just need to be aware of patterns and aware of why.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Just wanted to say be careful with those laxies, they can make you bloat up more afterwards. take care.

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to try the saltwater flush I'm going to join you late.. on Thursday since I don't work it will be perfect! Can't wait to read many more posts.

Anonymous said...

This is confidential right?
Ive struggled with loosing weight for a while well weekdays are easy,i just can never be arsed hiding and making myself sick when everyone's around . I think your all doing really well! Ive never tried salt water or laxatives just a fist down my throat . How does it all work? does everything come up with saltwater and where do you get laxatives from .
get back please :) x