Sunday, October 28, 2007

The good news is: I had a SUPER-busy week, which kept me hopping enough that I hardly had time to sleep or think, never mind eat. Lots of coffee, water, and coke zeros have kept me going.

The bad news is: I did not have time to go to the gym even ONCE this week, nor was I able to weigh myself until this morning. After five full days of liquid fasting (and yes, I had a 240-calorie sushi roll last night), I am only down THREE POUNDS. This sucks!!

I haven't eaten anything today, and just finished a liter of water. Plus I had my 160-calorie Venti Starbucks this morning. Next week is going to be another crazy one, but not quite as crazy as this one was. I'm scheduled to brunch/lunch with a friend tomorrow, so I'm thinking I'll fast today, eat that tomorrow, then start a new long-term fast on Tuesday.

Ugh. After not being at the gym for well over a week, my body didn't want to cooperate when I finally got back on the elliptical this afternoon. I managed to push myself 5.05 miles. Hopefully last night's sushi hasn't stuck to my ribs already.

I won't be able to go to the gym tomorrow, but hopefully I will both Tuesday and Wednesday, which'll be a good jump start for the new fast. Thursday the week gets all screwy again and I'll probably not be able to blog.

But I want to send a shout-out to all the faithful readers who've messaged me here and on facebook === WHAT UP SKINNY BITCHES!!!! === Ya'll rock my fucking world, especially at the end of a long fast when I feel like, "Just one little bite won't hurt me..." I remember that I'll have to write about it here and it gives me that last little PUSH I need to get through! You guys are the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Secret to Brittny Gastineau's success? Try anorexia

Posted Oct 22nd 2007 4:58PM by Anne Metz on

There's a zen koan that says if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.

Now I don't know anything about meeting Buddha, but I can say that if you meet a model on the road who says she loves to eat, don't believe her -- especially if she's ex-reality TV-star Brittny Gastineau.

The raven-haired Gastineau recently told Jay Leno's "Ross the Intern" that she stayed thin through anorexia.

Was she kidding? Well, if you trace Gastineau's incredible weight loss over the past year (I don't -- I honestly didn't know who she was until thirty minutes ago), you'd probably conclude that she was speaking the truth. But still, the confession seems awfully weird.

One thing is certain, admitting to an eating disorder is not a good way to jump start a modeling career, which her friends say is the motivation behind her shrinking frame. Even though most agents and designers would be chomping at the bit to get a 5'11 girl who weighs just 105 pounds, I doubt anyone is willing to touch her now that she's publicly admitted she's an anorexic. The fashion industry can't continue to exist as it is without putting forth the illusion that models its healthy and naturally thin. The fact is once a model says she's sick, the gig's up.

I'm sorry, but this is just stupidity at its best. I'm happy for her, glad that she's lost such huge amounts of weight, that she's had the willpower to stay with it for so long. But why the HELL would you flush it all away by openly admitting on NATIONAL television that you did it with anorexia???

Let this be a lesson, girls. KEEP YOUR ANONYMITY AT ALL COSTS. Keep the secret. That's exactly WHY we have these blogs and facebook profiles and none of us use our real name. It's only truly WORKING if you can still smile and say, "I'm just blessed with a fast metabolism."


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

After first day of fasting, down FOUR POUNDS. Good.

Still not quite good enough. Never enough. I need to lose the other five pounds by Saturday morning. If I can do that, I'll have a little 240-calorie sushi dish on Saturday night, then back to fasting to get down another three-to-five.

Thank God for my new part-time gig at Starbucks. They sure do keep you on your toes. And even with all the drinks I had to make and "taste", I know I didn't go over 500 calories today. Yet the pace there keeps you hopping, so I know I burned more than I took in.

And so far I'm doing well balancing both the part-time coffee shop and the film/tv career. Had a fantastic audition for a commercial today, and still made it to my shift on time. On the first break of my shift, landed a voiceover to be canned on Thursday. Hooray!

Tomorrow: day 3 of the five-day fast to lose 9 pounds gained during shooting last week. A little bit of shopping in the morning, a short shift in the afternoon, and the gym for a good hard spin in the evening! Gotta get those last five gone!

Monday, October 22, 2007

I am fat, fat, fat.

I love my work, I love what I do. But I hate that they always FEED ME!!! I mean, how the hell do they expect me to eat and stay this skinny??? They HIRED me because I am this skinny. Then I work for five days, eating every day, which means I'll have to fast for another 2 weeks once the project is over so I can take all that weight back off.


Hi girls and guys. I'm back. AGAIN.

I'm not feeling too proud of myself. The last week has been a blessing and a nightmare all at once. In seven days, I'm several thousand dollars richer, but nine pounds heavier. Damnit.

Monday I started my new part-time job at Starbucks. I didn't eat ALL DAY in preparation for all the tasting they made me do that night. Fifteen minutes before my first shift, I got a call from my agent that booked me solid for the next six days.

Thus, I haven't been able to write to you since then.

Tuesday I had one audition that turned into 3 auditions overnight. It was crazy, but hopefully it will turn into more work. Plus I had a short shift again at Starbucks that night. I was feeling alright though, because moving around to so many different studios kept me moving and busy, and I didn't eat anything at all, all day long. It was great.

But Wednesday through Sunday I had booked a film job, and I was on the set 10 hours every day. For the most part this was good -- I got a coffee in the wee hours of the morning on my way to the set, and I left the set each day at 6 pm, so I was able to go home without dinner.

But they brought me lunch every single day. And since I was with the cast and crew, unable to leave set for lunch, I had to eat it. I also had several cups of coffee on set, so I completely lost track of calories. On a good note, I was almost always on-camera or in the wings with a script in one hand and a bottle of water in the other, and the craft-services table was WAY on the other side of the set. So temptation was out of reach, and I never took even ONE crumb from the craft-services table. Hooray!

I know the previous two weeks of successful fasting had to have put a big brakes on my metabolism, because in just five consecutive days of lunches, I put nine pounds back on! How the hell does that add up???

Well, now that I'm finished with that project, I am DEFINITELY back to fasting. My Starbucks training is now at a point where I can determine what I drink or don't drink or try or don't try. So I can control my calorie intake. I'm hoping these nine pounds will come off as fast as they went on, as soon as I stop putting calories in. Ugh.

I feel like a fucking whale.

I feel like a deadbeat because I haven't been able to check my weight daily for an entire week, I've barely been able to check email, and I've had absolutely NO chance to blog or check in with the facebook fasters. (Although from what I've briefly looked over this morning, they're doing fantastic! Losing HUGE amounts of weight! Go girls!!!)

Well, so far I don't have any work (other than Starbucks) lined up for this week. No one will be force feeding me. So I'm planning to do a five-day fast from now (technically yesterday, Sunday at 8 pm) until next Saturday morning at 8 am. Liquids only. If I can take off the nine pounds and get back to where I was this time last week, I'll be satisfied, reassess, and make new fasting plans from there.

On a viewer note: I want to say a HUGE THANKYOU to all the loyal blogreaders who've continually checked in each day. While I was gone this past week, the counter rolled over 4000!! Woot! That's encouraging to me - and I promise to lose these nine pounds for YOU GUYS!!!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Yay! I'm back - and four pounds lighter!!! Oh, how I've missed you guys!!!

This was a crazy weekend, but I got through it, and now I'm on the other side and SOOOOOO looking forward!!! Friday I got a new job (to start Monday) and an offer to move to a new apartment. So within 48 hours my whole life turned about -- that's the way it usually goes for me, so I'm halfway used to it.

Saturday I spent running around town getting things wrapped up, and packed most of my stuff into boxes and bags. And I went to church that night and had a great time thanking God for His infinite Goodness. Sunday morning, as soon as my roommates had left for church I started packing the car and moving across town. Two and a half carloads and only five hours later, I was officially out of one and into another.

Heavy boxes down one flight of stairs, into the car, and up two flights of stairs into the new place -- I worked up quite a sweat! They say that mixing weight-lifting with your cardio is a better workout -- it definitely is! And even though my new roommates made me a "welcome home" meal last night (rice and chicken), I've managed to drop four pounds over the entire weekend. Woot!!

Well, yesterday was supposed to have been day 5 of the first five-day fast. But due to my extreme circumstances, I had to eat. I could definitely feel all the muscles in my legs, arms, and back quivering, especially by the end of the second carload. The stairway leading to my attic room is a narrow winding staircase, so there was no option to set down a heavy box to rest along the way. Just push, push, push!! So a protein follow-up was necessary to keep me from being too sore to move today.

Yet, I must have burned more than I ate, because I'm down! Hooray! I got the whole room settled in an evening, and it feels a LOT more like home than my last place. My new roommates are SOOOOO kind and generous.... let's hope that doesn't extend to too many dinner invitations.

And tonight I start my new job at Starbucks with a LOAD of coffee tasting! Hee hee! I'm trying to limit my drinking calories this morning knowing that tonight is probably going to top me off and maybe even push way above my self-imposed limits. Liquid only is ok for fasting, but too many liquid calories with NO food leads to a lot of simple fat absorption which is harder to burn than ingesting quick-burn carbs or fiber.

So I've decided to fast TODAY as the fifth day of the last five-day fast, followed DIRECTLY by the next five-day fast. I won't eat again until 8 am on Sunday. Essentially this means that last week I had 2 four-day fasts, and this week I'm doing a 6-day fast. Then next week I'll be directly back on track with the rest of the facebook group for a 7-day fast.

I really have no idea how I'm STILL not hungry! The human body is such a strange machine. Maybe mine is just so out-of-whack at this point, never knowing when it's going to get fed or not that I'm just in permanent ketosis. Whatever. As long as those numbers keep going down - life is peachy!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

I apologize for not being around to blog for the last few days. There's been quite a hurricane in my life lately, and everything's changing. At least it keeps me busy, and I have been thinking of everything BUT eating.

Here's the long and short of it: my best friend was onto me right away about not eating. I guess I really do look thinner. And none of my excuses would appease her. We spent all day Wednesday together, but at each other's throats. She refused to eat all day unless I did. It was a challenge I was happy to accept. By the end of the day, I had had one coffee and a small pear, for a total of 350 calories. She, of course, got hungry and ate a granola bar, a bag of almonds, and after ditching me for her family, ate out at an Italian restaurant (can you say pasta and bread by the bucket-load? blech!).

Wednesday night we got in the mother of all fights, and she walked away feeling like a martyr. And though I walked away in tears, inside I knew that the next time she sees me, I'm going to be twenty pounds thinner. And I'll still be smiling victoriously.

So Thursday I got back on the fasting bandwagon with ya'll, but spent the entire day running around catching people up on how my two days had gone, kvetching and sobbing about how badly my friend "needs prayer to see her through this difficult time she is facing." Another friend of mine decided to cheer me up by taking me along to her African dance class and then enjoying a girls-night pajama party at her apartment watching the Office. Totally mellowed me out, and still only consumed 2 liters of water all day.

Then today brought about another flurry of changes. I applied at Starbucks and got hired on the spot before I could even finish filling out the application. I start Monday. And my other friend who works there has a room for rent which is going to be loads more convenient than the apartment in which I'm currently staying. My current roommates are pregnant, and my room is about to become the nursery, so out I go. I'm moving in with my new friend on Sunday.

So this weekend is going to be extremely busy!!! I'm going to see another friend of mine tonight in the closing weekend of his show. Tomorrow I'll spend all day packing, and I'll go out to church tomorrow night. Sunday I'll spend all day packing and moving, and Monday I start work at Starbucks. I'll have to do a lot of coffee tasting, which could potentially add up in calories. But it will be ALL liquid, so it fits perfectly right in with my liquid fast.

There will be so much to do this weekend that there just won't be time to stop and think about eating!! How convenient is that!?

But there also won't be time to blog, I'm afraid. As soon as I get my room setup and my computer hooked up with some internet, I'll get back to the grind here. I'm gonna miss you guys!!!

In the meantime, starve on!!!! You know I won't be eating at all, so I hope it'll encourage you to stick to your fasts as well. I promise I'll try desperately to drop you a line here or there if I get half a second to do so. But if you don't hear from me til mid-next-week, be strong! Think thin! Starve on!!!!!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Day 9 of 34, morning.

Down another pound today! Yay! That's 9 lbs total so far, which is perfectly on track for the fast!

I won't be able to blog tomorrow because my best friend is coming to town. For the same reason, I'm fasting again today instead of tomorrow, and reserving my eating day for tomorrow instead of today. Thursday I'll pick up as if it was day 2 of the 5-day fast, and get right back on track.

This morning I woke up with the first pains of hunger that I haven't had in a long time. It was hard to ignore when I thought, "Just one little 30-cal plum or a small bowl of oatmeal to get you through." Nope. I refuse. I got myself busy doing laundry, cleaning the car, and blogging here. ;)

And since work's been good, so has my energy. I'm feeling upbeat and positive, so keeping moving has been no problem. I haven't been to the gym in a few days, but I did walk about 2 1/2 miles around Manhattan yesterday, according to my pedometer. Every little bit counts.

A very busy day ahead today, and even busier tomorrow. Thursday I'll be back to post how it all went. Til then, stay strong girls! Think thin and never give up!

Monday, October 8, 2007

Day 8 of 34, late evening.

What a crazy day. Day 3 of the 3-day fast, and I can't believe I've hardly even THOUGHT of hunger all day. But it's one of those crazy busy work days, ya know? Well, that's good, it kept me busy. All I had was 1 liter of water, 1 can of coke zero, and 2 coffees. WAY too much caffeine and not enough water, which is why at 10 pm at night, on only five hours of sleep and three days without food I'm still going NINETY MILES AN HOUR.

I also found out today that my best friend is (surprise) coming to town to visit me on Wednesday. So as I HAD been planning to eat tomorrow and fast Wednesday through Sunday, instead I will have to carry on this 3-day fast into a fourth day on Tuesday, so that if she coerces me to eat on Wednesday, at least I can try to keep it under 300 cals and stay on track.

So don't panic if you don't hear from me in the next few days. She's my best friend, she knows (nearly) everything, and she has eyes like a hawk. So I'll be lucky if I can get in here to post. But I promise I'll do my very best. At the least, you can expect to hear from me again for sure on Thursday.

Another frustrating morning - still not lost another pound. Three days I've been at this weight. But with the crazy day I had today, and the 2 similar days I've got coming right up, I'm hoping by the time I get to see a scale again on Thursday I'll have lost BOTH pounds that I need to lose by Sunday to keep me on track.

I'm not sure if the lack of hunger today was from simply being purely busy all day, or if I'm truly falling into ketosis. I suppose the latter is easily plausible. Well, whatever it is, I sure am glad that I don't feel starving pains and that I'm not eating ANYTHING. If I can keep it up, then once I push past this plateau I think the pounds are going to start FALLING off of me.

I did get some really great compliments at my audition today. I looked killer in my yellow dress as usual, and I was playing around with a couple of cute youngins' from out-of-town.

I just love living dangerously. ;)

P.S. The blog hits rolled over 3000 today. Woot!


Sunday, October 7, 2007

I'm writing this Sunday night for Monday. Unfortunately I can't tell you yet if I'll have lost any weight, but I'm really hoping for at least one pound since I only drank 360 calories today (1 coffee, 2 ciders, 2 liters water), and I ran 7 miles at the gym, did 100 crunches, and put in 3 sets of weightlifting (among a variety of other busy-ness throughout the day).

My lone comment yesterday asked about the taste of a saltwater flush. Well, just like it sounds, yes, it's saltwater. Made withe sea salt. So, yes, it tastes a bit like warm ocean water. And no, it's not exactly tasty. If you haven't eaten in a while (which makes the flush work better) then it's easy to convince yourself that the first cup is chicken broth. After that... yeah, you're just sort of pinching your nose and chugging as fast as you can.

The first time I did it, I really did feel like gagging. Honestly I thought I might throw up naturally. But it was more from the feeling of being so incredibly full all of a sudden after being empty for so long than from the taste of it. The trick is to immediately find a quiet calm place to lie down and massage your belly so that the water starts moving from your stomach through your intestines, where it does it's real work. Once your stomach empties out a bit (usually about 10-15 minutes), the fullness that made you want to gag subsides.

P.S. Sunday was the first day that this blog received 100 hits within 24 hours - yay!!!

Starve on, ladies and gentleman! One more day on this 3-day fast, 300 calories tomorrow, and then a new adventure: the five-day fast!!! Woot!
fun with mag photos...

Day 7 of 34, late morning.

Today is the first day my weight has plateaued. I'm ok with that though. I've lost 7 lbs in the first week, which is huge. I plan to lose a total of at least 16 lbs by the end of the 34-days, so this is a good jump start. To stay on track, I only need to lose 2 more by next Saturday, so I'm not worried... yet.

I know that because my metabolism is slowing down, the energy is waning and the weight loss is going to slow down too. This is something I didn't account for on the last long fast, a lesson hard learned. The disappointment caused me to slip up before the entire fast was done -- a mistake I DO NOT intend to repeat!

I got a weird compliment at the party the other night. Some guy did a double take of me and said, "Wow! You've lost like mega lbs!" and his wife hit him. I don't know if she hit him because he complimented another woman (although we're all friends, it didn't seem like a problem), or because that implies that before I lost the weight I was REALLY fat!

Truth is, I'm not any lighter than the last time he saw me a few months ago... in fact I'm actually slightly HEAVIER now. Go figure...

Today is day 2 of the first 3-day fast. I was really looking forward to this one, and so far it's going REALLY well. I only was tempted by food a few times yesterday, and managed to press through by keeping myself busy with other activities and finally sipping on some coffee. My stomach didn't actually start making noise until late last night, and then I think it was more digesting the pure liquid rather than begging for food. My stomach must have shrunk quite a bit by now, so the hunger is not hitting as hard.

But the next 36 hours are SOOOOO crucial. The first day is always easy for me, especially since this is my third "first day" this week. It's a cinch. But the end of day 2 and all of day 3 are going to be tough, I think. But I'm actually really excited and looking forward to it! I think, "Bring on the challenge!" because I want to prove to everyone, including myself, that I can do it.

And if I can make it three days without eating, then the next time I'll make it five, and then another fiver after that, followed by a seven and a four and that's it to the end of the fast - and my big photo shoot!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Day 6 of 34, noon.

I'm REALLY looking forward to this three-day fast! After the last 2-day fast, I really felt like if I just pushed through one more day of not eating, I could almost FEEL my body coasting into ketosis. But because I'm trying to be a good example and a good leader, I ate yesterday as is described in the plan.

And I even fudged that up a little. When I woke up yesterday, I tried to have a little 50-calorie yogurt, but after two days with no food, my stomach couldn't handle more than half of it. So I probably ate only about 30 calories.

But later in the day I decided to fix up this South Beach lunch box that I've been hanging on to. It's low-carbs, and high-fiber and protein, so I figured it would be perfect to set me up for the next three-day fast. And boy, did it satisfy! I guess the high-protein was a LOT more satisfying to an empty stomach than it usually is to a normal stomach. Woot!

But that was 240 calories, so my total for the day was 270 calories. I managed to eat (and drink!) absolutely ZERO calories at the party last night - HUGE ACHIEVEMENT!! - and a big group of us even went for about a mile-long walk downtown! Burn, baby, burn!

Yesterday at the gym I could only push myself through 4 miles and 50 crunches. I felt disappointed that it wasn't 10 miles, but I know it's better than not going at all. Right now I feel like I could go to the gym, which would kill some time, or I could stay here and enjoy the beautiful breeze coming in through my window while I crochet all day long and head to church tonight.

I'm curious how long it will be before my stomach starts to growl again. I sOOOOOO don't feel hungry at all right now. Yay! I don't even long for coffee or a drink with calories. I'll try to get through the day on water for as long as possible before heading out for some Starbucks.

Friday, October 5, 2007

I don't know how many of you are the praying kind, but I am. Here's some info I found on the web a few days ago that's helping to keep me thin-spired...

   *   *   *   

John Wesley refused to ordain those who did not fast every Wednedsay and Friday. (Wednesday to commemorate Judas' betrayal, Friday to commemorate the crucifixion.) He felt that anyone who could not rule his own belly could not be expected to rule the church of God.

If you don't fast and pray, your spiritual life is unbalanced. If you are a soldier of the Lord, you can hardly expect to be commended for your conduct if you never check back into headquarters for instructions.

A simple outline:

  • Have a nice, long chat with God first thing in the morning and in the late evening. Take a walk and talk things out with Him.
  • Pray at each meal, and before falling asleep. This leads to praying often, but God still prefers quality to quantity.
  • Fast whenever you need intensive prayer... Your appetite acts as a prayer alarm; instead of eating your usual treat, you pray. That keeps you focused all day long.

God built it into us... use it.
Day 5 of 34. Morning.

Down only 1/2 pound today. Boo. Welll..... at least it's not a gain.

I'm totally loving all the comments and questions you guys are posting. It's awesome having a dialogue with ya'll! I'm going to try to address them all.

First off, I want to post the link to Facebook(link no longer valid), for those of you who might be interested in joining up. I hate to shamelessly plug like that, but I'm getting a lot of parallel questions on the fasting group there and here on the blog. There are 39 members in the current "New 34-day Fast," and they're a fantastic bunch of us guys and girls who are incredibly supportive of each other. It's an easy way to be anonymous and still be pro-ana at its finest!!

J asked if I could post twice a day.
J -- sometimes I do, when the mood strikes and I have time to spare. But I'm also working and trying to keep this hidden the same as all of us are, so I can't promise to post twice EVERY day. But I'll try, from now on, to find some other thinspo or something to add here and there. It might not be me journaling, it might just be a picture or an article, but I hope it helps.

If you have the opportunity to be online that often, I'd encourage you to try the Facebook. It's like the alternative to Myspace (which I don't have), so you get updates every three seconds or so, 'round the clock.

P.S. Congratulations on the incredible success of your own restricting fast! That takes a LOT of willpower!!

Anonymous asked, "What's a saltwater flush?"
A saltwater flush is my preferred alternative to laxatives. In a nutshell, you basically drink a quart of warm saltwater and a few hours later EVERYTHING comes out. It's a great way to rid your body of nasty toxins, and a quick solution for big-number water-weight loss when you need it in a pinch. It's also entirely organic, as opposed to laxatives which are stimulant drugs. If you're interested in trying it, here's the full recipe.

amyyy wrote, "youre a insperation."
What can I say? Thanks, dollface. Just remember I probably couldn't be as strong if I didn't know that I've got you guys here backing me up and keeping me in check. I have honestly come across temptations in my day and thought, "No, because I don't want to have to blog about failing." My readers rock!!!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Day 4 of 34. Morning.

I have officially dropped one whole BMI point today! Yay!
(One down, 2.2 to go.)

Unfortunately, the roommate is STILL sick and at home from work, so once again I have to put off my saltwater flush. The next first-fasting-day will be Saturday, and they'll both be home, so that's out. :::exasperated sigh::: I guess my next real chance will be Monday, which will be the third day of that fast, and may well at that point be futile. :::another sigh::: Maybe next Wednesday, which will be the following first-fasting-day. :::grumbling::: Damn roommies.

Yay --- went on a long walk this morning and picked up a nice coffee to get me started. Nothing else much doing. If I'm still this hyped-up tonight from the caffeine-on-an-empty-stomach, I might try to get to the gym for at least a little while. I wanna wear my sexy yellow dress to the party tomorrow night, so I wanna look as skinny as possible!

Addressing some comments I've received:

Amyyy from London: welcome to the fast! If you're on, msg me by searching "Ana Regzig" and I'll invite ya into the group. It's free to join facebook... or you can just keep up here with the blog. I'll be doing my best to post daily. MWAH!!! Luv ya to the bones! XOXO

JSAID asked about "tips for lightheadedness":

THE OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: I'm not a doctor! This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. If you are having feelings of lightheadedness, please consult your family doctor or health professional for a full diagnosis and treatment plan. Blah blah blah...

You asked for tips about lightheadedness. That's perfect timing believe it or not, as I've just now gotten to the point where I'm occasionally losing balance and what not. I haven't had any grey-outs or black-outs yet, but it won't be long now.

Fainting in public is the worst, isn't it? Ugh. Your number one defense is WATER. Your body can survive without food for weeks -- it feeds on stored fat. But without plenty of water, your body will actually begin to shut down and die within 3 days. That's why it doesn't take long for you to feel faint -- your body is trying to preserve you for maximum survival.

Hydration is your #1 weapon against fainting and lightheadedness. As soon as you wake up in the morning, start your day by drinking one full glass of ice cold water. Then make sure to have one full glass every hour on the hour, or else just keep like a liter or a gallon handy and take sips off of it every now and then, and make sure you finish it by day's end. Don't try to chug a whole bunch at once, you'll just feel sick. [In extreme cases, this can even be toxic!] Your body needs constant, steady hydration... best just to sip every few minutes.

Drink at least 2 liters of water every day, especially when you're not eating. And if you can, make sure to restore your electrolytes daily too, especially if you're purging. (Shameless plug: Walmart sells little sports drink mix packets called "Replenish" which infuse your water with a little bit of flavor, plus the necessary electrolytes, and ZERO calories! You can find them with the Koolaid/Gatorade mixes.)

If you are plenty hydrated and still feeling dizzy/lightheaded...
First, immediately SIT DOWN. Even if you just have to squat, lean forward and get your head between your knees. If you're in public, you can pretend you dropped an earring or you're looking for your contact, or tying your shoe. Don't panic, breathe deeply, and relax until the feeling goes away.

If you're standing, DON'T just bend at the waist and DON'T lock your knees! You will be sure to faint. And if you cause a scene, people may try to feed you. You must bend at the knees and do whatever it takes to restore the bloodflow to your brain. Generally this means slowing down and getting low, so that your heart doesn't have to pump so hard.

another haiku by Ana Regzig

Forty ounces of
coffee, and only thirty-
four ounces water

And not a single
bite to eat. Wishing I had
burned it off somehow.

This does not balance.
So at midnight, I sit here

Write haiku to pass
the time, burn some energy,
try to get sleepy.

If my 'hood wasn't
so sketchy, I'd go for an
awesome moonlit run.

But alas, no. Sigh.
I sit here fidgeting and
fussing to no end.

Waiting for it to
wear off. Praying that I'm still
burning calories.

Is it too early
to weigh myself? Yeah. Better
get eight hours first.

Me and my caffeine
addiction. I have only
my sick self to blame.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Day 3 of 34, early evening.

Blech! Life (aka. my ROOMMATES) got in the way today. I was gonna do a saltwater flush first thing this morning, but each of them decided to skip half a day so I didn't get the house to myself. Boo. Oh well, I'll have to do it tomorrow.
But that does mean I've been flitting in and out of the house myself, so that's keeping me busy and moving. Hooray! I ran 10 1/2 miles last night -- watching "The Biggest Loser" on NBC is incredibly thinspirational!

And so are all of you! My gosh, I just don't even know how to describe the way my little heart goes pitter-patter every time I get an encouraging message from ya'll, or I hear that someone else is fasting with me. It keeps me accountable. It helps me say "no" when food tempts me.

So far today: 1 liter of water, 1 coffee, and one coke zero. Planning on having some great sugar-free apple cider tonight and catching up on some reading and crocheting. I lost the remaining 2 lbs of the "easy first five" this morning, so I feel I've earned a bit of down time. ;)

Aha!!! My stomach just grumbled again for the first time today! HAhahahahahahah!!! That always makes me laugh and celebrate. Stupid stomach - what the hell do you know?! It's already starting to flatten out again, just five pounds down. Imagine how good I'm going to look in another 31 days!!! Wheeeeeeeee!!!!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Day 2 of 34. Afternoon.

Well, the first day, as predicted, was easy. And this morning it paid off - 3 pounds lost. I do expect the first five to come off very easy. After that, it'll go slower.

Today is an eating day, limit 100 calories. I measured out 3/4 cup of high-fiber cereal, which is actually 105 calories, so I put a spoonful back. It's the kind of cereal that has flakes, sticks, and little round white balls that taste like malt. I set it in a small bowl and I've been munching one or two pieces every fifteen minutes or so. High-fiber makes it a slow-burning carb, so hopefully I'm burning it faster than I'm actually eating it, but keeping the metabolism machine turned on. Plus I've had a liter of water and a can of coke zero, and I'll have another liter with electrolytes at the gym.

Tonight I'm planning to go for a ten-mile run. Figured I'd better do it while I have food-fuel in me. Yesterday I did nothing exciting at all, just to see if the metabolism is working again -- it is. I had one liter of water, a 20 oz coffee and a 20 oz cider (yay - holiday treats!). And I lost three pounds.

But the first day is always easy. The first day (again) tomorrow might be a little tougher, and Thursday will for sure be hard. The second day is always hardest for me, and after eating so little today, it will non-technically be day four. So, I'm trying to go ahead and steel myself for that now.

Somedays I feel like such a weakling because I can fast all morning long, no problem at all, but then suddenly five o'clock hits and I'm like - bam! Hungry! And then because I haven't eaten all day it's not like a small sensible meal will do. Oh no, it's like I NEED to stuff myself with an entire box of something. Thank God so many things come in single servings now, I can eat it "all" and stop before it's out of hand.

But I won't have to worry about those days until this fast is over. For the next 34 days, every single thing I eat is already mapped out, and I'm going to stick to it. I still haven't heard about the official date of my big photo shoot, but if I get any say in the matter, I'm going to do it on day 34, when I should be at my thinnest. Yay!

I'm so happy to have SO MANY people who are on my side this time, holding me accountable. I feel like you guys actually outnumber the nay-sayers for once! :-D

It makes me stronger, it makes me want to defy the world. It makes me feel like I'm going to wear my red bracelet no matter what - if Nicole Richie gets away with it, then so will I! If people ask questions, I'll dodge them with clever answers or just not answer them at all. And I'm not going to eat, no matter what -- there are plenty of excuses to not eat, and I'm gonna use them all and then make up some more! People can encourage me all they want, but they'll never be able to PHYSICALLY shove stuff in my mouth. I AM IN CONTROL.

I am going to look DAMN good at the photo shoot. I'm going to shock everyone at home with how thin I've gotten when I go back for the holidays. I'm going to go to all the parties and look drop-dead gorgeous, and seeing my reflection and hearing the compliments will make me not want to eat another thing ever. Damn the pressure. Damn the hunger. Overcoming my weaknesses can only make me stronger.

I am going to make it all the way through this 34 days!

Monday, October 1, 2007

Wow! I'm really sort of overwhelmed at how popular the blog is -- I really had no idea how many people stop by to read it on a daily basis. Thanks for your comments and well wishes - You guys are awesome!

Welcome, to those of you who are joining me on this 34-day fast, facebook or not. I really hope you'll keep posting comments and sending me emails, as this helps to keep ME on track too. Accountability is my #1 defense.

I woke up this morning really excited about having a plan in place again. Flying (eating) by the seat of my pants just wasn't working anymore. I love structure in my life, and control. I have such an inner peace now that there's a long-term plan to look forward to.

At this moment I'm only 17 hours into the fast, and so far it's pretty darn easy, as expected. I've got a little bit of a headache, and my stomach just growled for the first time which made me laugh hysterically. I've had half a liter of water, and the cold weather is tempting me to go get a coffee, but I'm abstaining for now. But I'm expecting the first big temptation to happen tonight, after I haven't eaten for almost 24 hours, so maybe I'll wait to get coffee at the bookstore, where I can be out of temptation's path.

Someone asked me in a previous comment if I drink only water? The answer is unfortunately "no, I'm not that strong." On the facebook fast, everyone has an option if they want to water-fast (strictly water only on fasting days), juice-fast (100% juice, water, and nothing else on fasting days), or liquid-fast (coffee, tea, juice, milk, water, lemonade, soda -- any liquid DRINK, not including smoothies, shakes, or soups).

The last time I did this 34-day fast, I was juice-fasting. It was fun, because it's really hard to find a 100% juice out there that a) tastes good, b) is low enough calories that you can have a decent amount without going over your limit, c) isn't exorbitantly priced. I finally found one this summer that I liked: V8 Fusion's Light blends in the 12 oz bottles. I tried it because I found them cheap at a wholesale market. They tasted surprisingly good, and they had "a full day's serving of fruits and vegetables" at only 80 calories per bottle. So I enjoyed that while it lasted.

This time around I'm doing a liquid-fast. At least to start. (Which is to say: I know myself. I know I'll change my mind and "readjust the plan" sooner than I think.) I find that when I deprive myself too much I tend to give into binges too quickly. So if I feel here like I have loose reins, I'm much more likely to stay on track.

Looking back on my excel charts, I stuck to the last 34-day fast for about two weeks before everyone in the facebook group dropped out and I lost the will to drive. So I'm hoping this time around to go at least double that (4 weeks) and by that point I'll feel like, "If I've gone four weeks, I've only got one week to go!" and I'll finish the full 34-days.

Again.... thanks to all of you faithful readers. I'm really humbled. :)