Though I did give in to a banana for breakfast (still stuck on the whole "jump start your metabolism" thing), I only had one 24 oz. coffee after that, as far as calorie-intake for the day. Other than that, I had 1 liter of flavored water and two 20-oz. coke zeros.
I'm feeling good. I'm finally recalling that empty, hungry feeling, and how good it feels. I was down 3 lbs this morning... let's see if I'll have lost any more tomorrow.
I did have to fight off some longings for sugary donuts this morning, especially when I passed that $2.50 bag of crullers (2640 calories that I once finished in under 10 minutes) on my way to get the coffee. But the hungrier I got, the more determined I felt, and I found ways to distract myself.
I watched a movie, and a re-run of last night's BB8. The show had thinspirational Daniele, and the movie had thinsiprational Cate Blanchett.
The mail came and I needed to make a run to the bank. So I planned to stop by and exchange my movie at the same time. While I was there, I stopped in to the nearby 99-cent store to seek out and research cheap binges for my next crash. I can do mac-n-cheese with chicken for $1.60. Or a bag of Oreos for $2.00. Luckily, I had next to NO money in my wallet, and that kept me from purchasing anything.
Then I headed over to the other food cheap store, just to have some walking around to do. While there, I found 2/$1.00 V8 Fusion juice bottles at 80-cals apiece. I figured they'll be great tomorrow for a little variety on the juice fast.
Wanted to check out the trade paper, so I headed over to Borders where I can secretly read and copy without having to buy. Ended up spending the rest of the night there. Got totally absorbed in a book called "Finding God in Harry Potter" which details loads of Christian symbolism found in the popular series.
Now I'm home, it's midnight, and I'm overloaded on caffeine and feeling jittery. That's ok, I still have a ton of busy-work to attend to before I finally hit the hay tonight. Hope all the fidgeting is making up for a lack of enthusiasm for a gym-visit. We'll see what the scale says tomorrow and how it affects my gym-desire. And tomorrow night is church, probably with communion (since we missed it last week due to a guest speaker).
I am considering having a cup of grapes as my "jump start" breakfast tomorrow, but again... we'll see what the scale says and how it affects my will.
The book I was reading tonight had a very interesting description of the symbolism of a centaur, which reminded me very much of my own dual-natured struggle between being a Christian and doing the right, healthy thing, or being ana.
The centaur is first and foremost a symbol of man. It has the head and chest of a man and the body of a horse. The head and chest of a man are man's will, thought, and spirit; the horsey bottom is his desires or passions. The centaur is a comic picture of a man's dual nature as angel and beast. When man is right side up, his angelic part tells the horse's desires what to do, as a rider directs a horse; when the beast is in control, however, the belly of the horse drags the chest and head where it wants like a runaway pony.
I can honestly say that in the last two days, (with my apologies to my Christian heart being left behind) my ana horse is back up to a stealthy canter.