Friday, August 17, 2007

DAMNIT! Only three days of "eating normal" on set, and I put on 10 fucking pounds!!! I hate this!!!!

Every time the director called "take five" there was an assistant on hand asking if I needed anything, something to drink or eat usually. In an attempt to appear normal, I tried to order when the other actors ordered or munched, etc, and of course I had to eat the catered lunches. I also had to eat at night when a few of us went out for "drinks" but technically it's "schmoozing." Ugh... I love the WORK in this business, but I hate all the behind-the-scenes BULLSHIT we have to go through...

Anyway, I didn't have the opportunity to tally calories (only guess), I didn't have any place to workout or go to a gym, and I definitely couldn't fast or even restrict. :( Being on set there's not much to do other than sit around and wait for your shot to be ready, and if you move around too much people get nervous. So you sit and behave and drink too much coffee and the only fun people are the tech guys who are ALWAYS swarming around the crafts table, munching away. Ugh.

Today I had my last meal when I had a final "lunch out" with one of the girls. There was this adorable little creperie that she insisted I must try. But I'm sorry... I've been to France, and I know crepes are only supposed to be about as long as your hand, maybe the girth of a paper-towel-tube. The "fresh fruit ice cream" crepe she ordered was bigger than most burritos you'd get at a mexican restaurant!!! And it was STUFFED with whip cream, ice cream, and the oh-so-occasional slice of a strawberry. Jesus God... what a way to go.

Paying the bill at that place was like dumping a weighted backpack off. It was me finally signing off of this project - completed and done - and getting back to ana. Praying to God that it's not too late.

When I got home, I immediately shucked off all my clothes and jumped on the scale. 138!!! Oh my GOD!!!! That's only EIGHT POUNDS shy of what I weighed when I left the ship! How the hell could I let this happen! Ok, clearly my metabolism is 100% fucked up, because I don't know any normal human being who can put on 13 pounds of weight in a mere 3 and a half days!!!! It's not HUMAN!

So I'm hoping that when I wake up in the morning after a good night's sleep and a morning pee I won't be any more than 135. But jeez!!! Then I have to spend all weekend trying to shed this 10 pounds I've put on. I will be on pure liquids for the next four days at least, I promise you that.

Granted, I have a minor audition tomorrow, but that will be easy enough to push through. I'll have church Sunday morning, but a little coffee and some friendly distraction should get me through that. (Please God, don't let the girls in my carpool invite me to lunch. If they do, I'll have to fake a stomachache.)

Other than that, I have from now until next Tuesday to do a liquid fast and try to get back down to my 125 level. I'm looking forward to a lot of water, a little juice, enough coffee, and GETTING BACK TO THE GYM!!! Ugh.

Tuesday I have another shoot (one day only, thank God), and Wed/Thur I have another major audition (probably going to need at least breakfast each day). ~~~Lord, help me to be strong, grant me your Grace to shed these 10 pretty fast, and maybe even to shed even at least one more before I have to go back to work on Tuesday.~~~

I feel like such a lardo right now. My pants actually fit around the hips, and my thighs have expanded back out - gross!! My arms still look ok, and I can still see the shadow of my ladder when I reach back. But my stomach is THE WORST. I have a little buddha-belly sticking out, and the rolls of fat are grossing me out.

Oh Lord! I cannot get back on a treadmill fast enough!!!

I have to go sign up for tanning sessions and try to get in at least a few hours at the gym tomorrow morning. Then I'm gonna come back here and scrub the shower while I'm in it, hopefully will burn a few extra calories (and get the horrific smell of cats, sweat and PISS out of that place - I swear, my roommates are worse than GUYS).

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