Sunday, July 8, 2007

God, I feel sick. Too... much... coffee. Who knew there was such a thing?

Thirteen and a half hours until the end of my 3-day liquid fast of penitence. Sort of abused myself this morning.

Didn't sleep well last night, so got a Venti Starbucks on the way to church to stay awake. (Would have done this anyway.) After the service, ordered a cinnamon steamer at the coffee bar at church, but they had no idea how to make one, so what I got was more like warmed-over cinnamon sludge. And probably with whole milk. Ugh... maybe THAT'S what's making me feel queasy now.

To shake that off, I stopped by another Starbucks before making the drive back home from church. Ordered another Venti latte, and also picked up one of those Odwalla Fruit Juices. Drank them both within an hour. Ugh.

That's 500 calories in about four hours. Ugh!!! I do remember a time when I could EAT this much and feel sick. (Come to think of it, a little over a month ago I could eat that many calories in a sitting and NOT be sick.) Maybe with all the weird fasting/bingeing/restricting I've been up to lately I'm starting to develop an allergy to calories. That would be great! Being not able to eat or drink ANYTHING without feeling sick - what a great excuse to stay ana!!!

Or maybe it's just the sour steamer talking over the acids building up in my stomach from having had NO solid food for three days. Yeah... that's more likely.

Great distractions all morning though. Went shopping this afternoon for a business suit for this week's gig. Didn't find a suit, but was pleased to learn I have shrunk out of the sizes I used to pick off the rack. !!!:)!!! And I did pick up a few new pairs of workout pants, size SMALL. Yay!

Shopping always exhausts me anyway, but add that to the no-food factor, not sleeping well, and the crash off of TWO Venti Starbucks... I came home and took a 45-minute nap. I'm feeling a little rejuvenated now, but now I've got the nausea to deal with. I'm REALLY going to regret skipping the gym today, but every bone in my body is fighting it. I'm going to call that "God's prompting to take a day off."

Ana says, "But you've had THREE days off from the gym this week!" But my body says, "I'm sorry, I just can't do it." My brain has flashes of food, especially junk food, which Ana quickly smashes. Still, I can't help wondering (and yes, I'm praying about it) what I will eat tomorrow to break the fast.

I've gone back to a more idealistic approach. All the fasting experts advise you not to pig out on the first day back, or at least to eat only small doses of raw food. Considering I haven't been exactly sacred about the "juices" I've been fasting on (mostly coffee), I don't know how sacred I have to be about jumping back on the solid-food bandwagon.

Still, an apple sounds mighty tasty right now. I'm thinking about sushi too... that's raw, I love it, and it would be filling, plus it would be a nice "reward" for having been faithful to this fast without going overboard on calories.

~~Lord, I have faithfully consumed nothing but liquid for three and a half days, offering my body and my appetite to You, and to the mission of growing closer to You. So can I please have some sushi tomorrow without gaining too much weight??~~

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for posting this. I was about to break out and go get a taco from taco bell but reading this really made me snap out of it. If you can do it so can I!