Friday, July 6, 2007

The first day of penitence is done. And it is good. Praise the Lord.

Today's intake: 530 calories - ALL liquid.
Today's output at the gym: 1523 calories.
Total deficit: -993 calories.

I was going to allow myself a half-and-half bowl of rice krispies with fat-free milk as a recovery treat after the gym. But on the way home from the gym, God spoke up and reminded me that to be TRULY penitent, there can be absolutely NO straying from the terms of the fast. The milk is what the recovery treat is really about. And I can have the milk without the cereal, get the effects of the "recovery" without straying from the "nothing but liquid" terms of the fast. So that's what I did.

In fact, I had nothing but liquids all day. I did question myself a couple of times, when I knew the calorie count kept going up. (Should I have the high-calorie fruit juice or another coke zero? Should I have another cup of Starbucks or just be thirsty? Should I get the tall Starbucks or another Venti?)

In the end, the voices in my head, be they ana or God, told me not to worry about calorie counts, just so long as they are all liquid. So that's what I did.

Am I a little scared by an over-500 count for the day. Sure. But that's overshadowed by how proud I am that I have remained true to the terms of the fast for the first day. It gives me confidence to hold out for the next two days.

My stomach is still aching from yesterday's abomination. In fact, 90 minutes into my workout today, I actually had to stop and take a break because the cramping was so bad. (Don't know if it's last-day-period-cramps or food-still-in-my-stomach-cramps.) I actually stopped the treadmill, packed up my locker, drove to Starbucks to get my first Venti of the day, and spent at least 45-minutes driving around aimlessly before my stomach felt decent enough to drive back to the gym, check back in, and get back on the treadmill. What a WEIRD workout day.

But I did not feel even the SLIGHTEST bit of hunger until about 4 pm today. And even then, it was easy enough to quell with a bit of fruit juice.

Right now, I am 28 hours into the fast, with 56 hours to go. Literally, one-third of the way there. And I don't feel hungry. (Maybe because it's bedtime.)

Tomorrow will be filled with blessed distractions. Sunday morning will be the same, but the afternoon/evening... I'm already steeling myself to prepare for the VAST temptation and hunger I know I'm going to feel once I'm bored and can think of nothing else. The end of the fast will be the very hardest part.

But for now, celebration. I made it through one whole day, free of solid food. I feel that my penitence for yesterday's binge is being accepted, forgiven, and thrown into His sea of forgetfulness.

~~Thank You, Father. Thank You for the strength to get through my workout. Thank You for the willpower to resist solid foods. Thank You for Your love and forgiveness. Please let tomorrow's number on the scale reflect not only the good work I've done today, but also how much work I have left still to do. Amen.~~

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