Monday, June 18, 2007

Day ONE of the great 34-day fast.

I'm starting to feel hungry, and a little tired. I have tons of little things to do today before the day is over (preparing for a couple of big auditions tomorrow), but I find my mind wandering - I am not able to concentrate for very long on a particular task.

I've wandered around the house, did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, fed the cats and emptied their litter box. I balanced my budget, answered a few emails, and I am incessantly checking the facebook page for updates.

It doesn't help that my poor little mind is still processing a HUGE weekend I just had. I met up with an ex-boyfriend and we had a stellar three-day rendezvous, no sex necessary. My mind is reeling from how much he has changed in 14 months, how he has matured and become an almost unrecognizable gentleman. I feel sort of guilty for having received him as I would have when we were dating, not knowing how time had changed him. He now has the uncanny ability to make me crazy by not letting on how I have impressed him or not. It's blowing my mind.

But I digress... I was very good last week (even with company being in town) about keeping my restrictions. I didn't stay sub-100 every single day, but on the final day before the fast (yesterday, Sunday) I only ate raw foods: 1 salad with loads of vegetables, and 1 apple with ground cinnamon. Only 1 cup of tea and about a half-liter of water with lemon to drink.

And now it's about 5 o'clock in the evening here, it's been 21 hours since I had any solid food, and I've only had about 70 calories of Cranberry/Pomegranate juice, plus a liter of water today. And I'm about to have a weak moment. I started writing this blog journal JUST to get my mind off the hunger.

Tomorrow I have two big auditions, and I can only have one veggie burger sometime between 8 am and 8 pm before the next 2-day juice fast begins. Ideally, I hope I'll be able to come home and eat it between the two auditions, but we'll see.

And even though I'm already stocked for the week, I'm thinking I may need to go to the store and get some vegetable juice for the 2-day. I need a little more substance for the calorie content than this fruit mixture is giving me, although it tastes really nice.

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See what I mean? Unable to concentrate. Sorry I wandered for a moment there. I'm back now.

The hunger is affecting my brain now. But I have to remember and continually remind myself. Right now, the carbohydrates in my body have been depleted, and the liver glycogen is what's fueling me. Very soon now, that will be depleted as well, and the hunger will start to draw off the glycogen reserves in my muscles. This a good thing!!! All the toxins are going to be expelled from my tissues and organs. It's going to be uncomfortable, but in the long run, I will be thankful.

I must find other things on which to concentrate. I've got the fifth Harry Potter book, which I intend to re-read just before the movie comes out. Maybe now's a good time to do that. Also need to pick out some songs and memorize a monologue for tomorrow's first audition. Really OUGHT to do that, since it's the possibility of work. But I've always been a terrible procrastinator, and I probably won't change that today.

My cranberry/pomegranate juice, in it's clear bottle beside my computer, is swirling around as I'm typing. It's really pretty and tantalizing, as it's a bright clear red... the color of anorexia. ;)

I love ana. Tomorrow's number on the scale is going to be worth this torture!!!

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