Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Day 9 of the great 34-day fast. End of day.

Well, today being the only eating day this week, my stomach got a little carried away. I wanted something extra on the way to my audition this morning, and debated a long time on whether to get Starbucks or not. In the end I capitulated for the sake of the caffiene, justifying to myself that it would make me perkier for the audition. Tag 160 calories onto the tally.

The audition came and went. Then on the way home, my stomach said, "I cannot wait until 8 pm tonight AFTER the gym for 100 calories of yogurt." My ana argued back, "I don't have the money to stop for food, so shut the hell up!" My stomach rumbled harder. Fine. I got $1 McChicken just to shut it up, knowing that as soon as I got home and looked up the calorie-count online, that I'd be paying for it at the gym.

Yup... kill me, please. That's 360 calories I had NOT planned for. I immediately set my plan for the gym. I must burn at least DOUBLE what I (will have) consumed for the day (after the yogurt, will be a total of 710 calories). NO WIMPING OUT. You've got a fucking burger in you... that should be enough energy to fuel you for hours...

And it did take HOURS. I got to the gym at 3pm, my yummy yogurt beckoning for me in the fridge at home. Four hours later, I had been on the treadmill four half-hours and the elliptical three half-hours, for a grand total of 1451 calories burned. Tired, yes. Able to do more? Probably. But I have to get the yogurt in before 8 pm to stay true to the next fast.

Tomorrow is day one of the first five-day juice fast. I'm going to try SO DAMN HARD to be true to this one the entire time, as the following five-day fast will be snidely interrupted by a commercial shoot, a Fourth of July party, and a friend's family reunion that I haven't quite wiggled out of yet.

I could make a rule-of-thumb out of this "burn twice as much as you consume" philosophy. It would be incentive not to eat, so I don't have to spend quite so long at the gym making up for it. I could burn off one bottle of juice in one half-hour on the elliptical. But more bits of food will give me more energy to do more exercise... it's a tough call.

Well, at any rate, there is now NO food in my house. I finished the last veggie burger this morning, and only bought the one yogurt this afternoon. All I have left in the fridge is pom/cran juice, grapefruit juice, and flavored water. If I want something to eat for the next few days, I'm going to have to want it bad enough to go out of my way to get it. Better to take on a second helping of juice rather than eat anything solid.

Hopefully tonight's yogurt redeposited some of those "good bacteria" that I flushed out with yesterday's saltwater treatment. My weight had not budged this morning - DAMNIT - but by the feeling of emptiness in my waist area now, I'm truly believing that another pound will be gone tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow, nothing to do all day but putz around the house. Might take a 5-mile hike in the park for distraction and exercise. Grapefruit juice for the day - yum! And a metabolism-booster too!

If I've lost that one pound, it'll be a good day. If I haven't... there'll be hell to pay.


Anonymous said...

Sweetie, this makes no sense. Eating normally, exercising normally, letting food and body image be just one facet of who you are, that's what you need to put all this hard work into. Give your life over to things you love and that make you happy - art, music, anything that nourishes your soul.

Ana said...

People like you make me laugh. Your concern only makes me more determined. I'm getting thinner, I'm killing myself, not to impress YOU, but because I WANT TO. Maybe I'll die soon, but at least I'll die thin and beautiful. :)

Anonymous said...

For sure. I completely agree with Ana.
I'd rather be thin, beautiful and dead than be curvy, chubby or FAT.
:) keep at it!!
<3 Ana love